A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I am a sophomore in a private high school in NJ.Over the past two years me and one of my teachers (female) have gotten very very close. It was her I went to when I began to question my sexual orientation. I'm sort of in love with her and I'm pretty sure she knows.Now, if that was the end it would all be ok, right? But the thing is,sometimes I think....Well, for example, end of last year she gave meher phone number. Now we talk on the phone sometimes - not about school. More about our personal lives (She's 39, single), dating, relationships, sex, etc. She dissaproves of ANYONE I go out with - tells me to break up with them. We have inside jokes. We e-mail each other very often, every few days. Also text. She told me she was straight...but then said that she did not feel sexually attracted to her past boyfriend. I'm scared we are crossing the line - or am i just being paranoid? I have the feeling this could develop further, but i don't know.So, PLEASE, if you have anything to say at all, that would be greatbecause i am so confused. Do you think this okay? Are we crossingboundaries? Does she maybe like me? Am i delusional?Thank you :)
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female
reader, MeridianStar  +, writes (5 February 2009):
About a year ago, my best friend grew quite close to one of her (male) teachers. Admittedly it didn't go as far as your story (no phoning or anything) but they would talk to each other for hours about literally anything, and we used to go to his office at lunch or after school and just talk. She definitely had a bit of a crush on him, and I think he probably realised that too, but she knew it was just a teenage thing and didn't want or expect it to go any further than a normal, friendly, teacher/pupil relationship. She never went by herself, she always got me or a group of friends to go with her, and there was never anything that felt wrong or awkward about it. All of us trusted both of them completely and we knew that nothing bad would happen.
I'm telling you this story so that you know I'm not being judgemental, and also so that you can see that situations like this don't necessarily have to be sinister. It's natural for other people (and yourself, in paranoid moments) to assume that the situation is inappropriate when in reality there could be nothing wrong.
The thing that does worry me about your problem is that you don't seem very comfortable with it yourself. You say you are 'sort of in love' with this woman, and yet you don't seem to trust her enough to know that nothing inappropriate will happen if this continues. I don't think you need any of us to tell you that it would be a bad idea for this to go any further. I don't want to come across as a patronising bum, especially as I'm only a few years older than you, but sometimes it can be hard to know how you really feel about things and you don't want to end up doing something you'll seriously regret later.
You sound like a mature and reasonable person who knows that 'crossing the line', as you put it, would only end badly. If you stay in a situation you are uncomfortable with, you risk destroying all the good feelings that you already share with her through guilt and worry, so you really need to be brutally honest with yourself. Can you trust this woman - and yourself - enough for things to stay the way they are? If not then you are probably better off keeping your distance, at least for the time being.
I hope you're still reading this, let us know how things are going if you are.
Sorry for my long rambling advice by the way. I hope it helps :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both very much.
She told me she would call me tonight - probably just to talk,
but I will update if anything weird happens.
=]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): I think that the peter pan guy is right in the sense that it's illegal for her to try anything funkey with you. The fact that she is doing the things that she is it sounds a strange. And I mean bad strange. I mean the phone calls and things are slightly wierd. But if she starts saying anything suggestive then cut all contact from her or tell an adult. I would not try anything with her in any way at all as it is illegal to have anything sexual to do with minior. I know this sounds dull and is a real bummer but it could stop somthing criminal happening.
hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (23 January 2009):
 God, I've got to read a little closer... I didn't catch both of you were female -- forgive me! Still, it's not impossible for your relationship to be "misunderstood". Same rule applies -- no intimate encounters... but since both of you are females, the general impression might be considered more of a mentor relationship. That said, it's better than before, but it still makes me feel a little uneasy about about a current teacher advising you on matters other than school-related issues.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (23 January 2009):
No, this is all far from OK! Plain and simple, if you two ever become intimate, it will EASILY be considered statutory rape of a minor, purely based on age! She will loose her job, she will be shunned, possibly prosecuted, convicted and never allowed to teach "children" (anyone under 18) EVER again!
So, if you want to not see any of these bad things happen, DO NOT GET intimate with her until you are "of age". The consequences will be bad for everyone involved!
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