A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years asked me to cook dinner for him and his brother after his soccer game. Please have it ready by 8:30 he said. So off he goes. I had to race home from errands to have it done by then. 9 pm comes along and he finally calls to tell me they have been drinking and he will be home soon. I asked why he couldn't have called me at 8:30 and let me know he would be late. He basically told me that it was not worth his effort to walk to his car and call me. He did not want to interrupt his conversation because he was drinking with his buddies. My feeling is when you ask someone to cook you dinner, you have a phone, you respect that person enough to call. He says that I am being ridiculous. This happens regularly. I have told him no more dinners on Mondays. He can cook his own dinner. If you can't call me then I just will not extend myself anymore. It would be one thing if this was rare or if he had not asked me to cook. I am pissed. I feel disrespected.I would love to get others feelings on this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Sounds like he threatens you with breaking up if you dont do as he pleases. I suggest you start ensuring you are independant so he can get the message that you are under no obligation to him to be his maid.
I assume the home is not yours, you need to leave and show him you are worth a lot more than the way he treats you.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Who owns the home or do you rent jointly? You need to get your legal ducks in a row ASAP!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand no, he rarely does stuff for me, as a matter of fact calling when he is going to be late for dinner is one thing I had asked for in the past that he does not do. I do think he is trying to drive me out.
If I don't make dinner for his kids every week, he gets angry. His daughter wants to live with us, grown daughter with a good job and plenty of options, and when I expressed my concerns he told me that if I didn't get "excited" about it like he was I could leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for responding. We live together. This morning he told me I have until the end of June to get out. He wants someone who doesn't get upset when he doesn't call. He actually said if I had not gotten upset he would have apologized! I told him he needs a woman who had her brains scooped out with a melon baller, not me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
Oh, and while I agree with almost every point that So Very Confused makes, I wouldn't be so quick to vacate the premises if you both own the home you live in. If he's threatening to end it, then let HIM pack a bag and leave.
I think a pre-emptive visit to an attorney to ensure you are protecting your assets if it does come down to a split might be a good idea. There are counterintuitive things you need to do that don't make common sense but may legally protect you and your assets.
Do you live together and/or own property together?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
He's threatening to break up with you because you would like an apology for his bad behavior?
I think I might take him up on that. See if that changes his attitude. If it doesn't, well, at least you won't need to put up with him any more.
And yes, you are being disrespected and emotionally manipulated, and treated like an employee, not a partner. I wouldn't tolerate it any longer.
Let the situation reach the conclusion that he seems to be steering toward. Your time IS valuable, more valuable than wasting it on a selfish and manipulative and threat-filled man, don't you think?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
 He wants to break up with you but he's too chicken to do it himself so he's setting up situations where you will leave him.
He may be so sure you are not that he knows he can disrespect and mistreat you.
You are correct if someone asks for dinner at 8:30 and then is delayed and can call but chooses not to that's disrespectful if it happens over and over.
He does not apologize
and he gets angry
and he threatens to end the relationship.....
Honey you deserve better.
I personally would tell him that since he thinks you should break up over something as trivial as dinner times and common courtesy phone calls, you agree.
I'd end it. YOU DO NOT matter to him. you are probably the maid, the cook, and the handy penis holder nothing more.
I'd pack my bags and have them by the front door tonight and when he gets home say to him "I thought about what you said and since you told me that we should break up over my not wanting to have dinner ready for you on your timetable, I'm going to respect YOUR WISHES and make that happen for you. I'm leaving now. I'll contact you about getting the rest of my stuff shortly" Then pick up your bags and go to your car and leave. Stay with a friend, or go to a hotel or somewhere. DO NOT call or text him or drive by his home or office. IGNORE HIM.
From his response NOT when you first walk out but 24-48 hours after you have left and NOT contacted him, I will formulate my next step in this plan as if he responds one way I would say ignore it, if he doesn't respond, ignore it... there are very few responses from him I would accept as workable to save this relationship.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Does he do stuff for you when you ask him?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I note that you added an "addendum" to your original submittal.... and it changes my reply in this manner:
Tardiness is IMPOLITE. For someone to be late, once or twice, it's OK to give them a "pass"...... For repeat/frequent tardiness.... understand that that trait is really just inconsiderate, and, actually, "defines" someone as being self-centered.... AND is also a "power" display (i.e. "I'm in control of our time/timing.....")
I suggest that you remind him that this last incident is "the straw that broke (your) camel's back...".... and that you will no longer acquiesce to his requests for your efforts to do things on a schedule until and unless he proves himself to be attentive to YOUR efforts to match HIS requests and timing.....
Then, stick to your guns... He'll figure it out!!!
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (4 June 2013):
I agree with you especially since I also work, if my husband indicated that he was brining guests at a certain time that I inconveniced myself to make diner, a lame excuse that he did not want to distrupt his conversation to let me know not to stress that he would be late, I would be peeved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should also say that this has been a consistent pattern in out relationship. I get that 30 minutes may not seem like a lot and it isn't, but not only does he not apologize for being late but gets angry with me and threatens to end our relationship if I act upset. When I told him that fine, he could provide his own dinner on those nights he got mad at me and said we should break up. I just wanted to be treated like my time is valuable. Like I matter to him.
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