A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year. We are very happy but seem to disagree on matters of privacy in our relationship. For instance, when we first had sex, he told a lot of his friends. I didn't think much of that, and okayed that since it was his first time and I just assumed he was excited to be with me.Since then, he has shared details of our relationship with friends and family that I have specially requested him keep between the two of us. For instance, he told his best friend a lot of our sexual habits to help his friend spice up his own sex life when he was having relationship problems. I knew my boyfriend did this with good intentions, but told him I did not feel comfortable with that. Also, I happened upon an online conversation with a girl he is not even very close friends with where they are both confessing to each other about trying new things in the bedroom. I didn't see this as cheating, since he framed the conversation in terms of, "my girlfriend and I do this....and she loves that...etc" I more sternly addressed this and he apologized, and said that he made her swear not to tell anyone else about it.Also, one time when I had a sore throat (that turned out to be strep throat), he started telling his mom and dad that we were having sex and that I gave him oral sex and was worried I had an STD. Instead of keeping the issue between us and taking a trip to the doctor to ask questions and for a throat swab and some STD tests, he confided all of our personal lives to his parents immediately.Also, when I first started taking birth control to balance out my cycle, he immediately told his mom and dad. He asked them questions about side effects, risks, etc. instead of coming to me (or a professional doctor) with such concerns first. This further embarrassed me and makes me feel very awkward when interacting with his parents. I told him I am self-conscious about taking the pills because I sort of feel like I have a feminine deficiency by not being able to have regular cycles on my own, but he did not keep this private either, and I was even hesitant to tell him at first because I knew word would get out.Additionally, his parents often tell him that he is telling them too much information, and things should be more between us, but they want to be there for their son at the same time.When I tell him how uncomfortable this makes me, he says he needs to vent to other people as a coping mechanism, advice, etc and family members and friends are there for him. He also says that it is unhealthy for me to keep things inside, or just between me and him. How can I get him to understand where I am coming from? Aren't there some things that should not be public knowledge in a relationship?
View related questions:
best friend, oral sex, sex life, std, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Someone who would do what you describe is NOT REALLY a "man" at all. He is a "boy" who still remembers being in the schoolyard and bragging about his Mickey Mantle baseball card in order to curry adulation....... (These days, sex/intimacy with YOU is that baseball card....)
Tell him - just once more - that you are giving him a "pass".... and that, the very next time you learn that he is sharing your's and his intimate details with ANYBODY, then he is "history." .... and STICK TO IT!!!
Good luck.....
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 June 2013):
Someone who would do what you describe is NOT REALLY a "man" at all. He is a "boy" who still remembers being in the schoolyard and bragging about his Mickey Mantle baseball card in order to curry adulation....... (These days, sex/intimacy with YOU is that baseball card....)
Tell him - just once more - that you are giving him a "pass".... and that, the very next time you learn that he is sharing your's and his intimate details with ANYBODY, then he is "history." .... and STICK TO IT!!!
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I can understand your feelings on this. I would be furious in your shoes. And it's not like he doesn't know how you feel. You've made it very clear that you don't like him talking about private things to people, he knows exactly the kinds of things you mean and he continues to do it. Whether or not his intentions are good, he is being very disrespectful. His family recognises that he goes too far, they obviously have boundaries so I don't think you need to worry about them telling anyone else, but it's unfair of him to put you all in the position of them knowing every intimate detail of your health and sex life and you knowing that they know. Him telling other people outside his family, people he doesn't know that well, is a huge violation of your trust. That's what it comes down to in the end. He is untrustworthy. You can't tell him things because you know he'll tell others. This won't stop. Can you live with this?
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (4 June 2013):
I have always told my significant others - NEVER do your dirty laundry out in public. Once the problem passes, the information is still out there and persists. If you have a problem, then work it out between you. If you cant work it out, then move on. But airing out all of your relationship problems to your friends is a recipe for disaster.
...............................
|
