A
female
age
51-59,
*eglected Wife
writes:My husband and I will be celebrating our 10th Wedding Anniversary in Feb-2009 but I'm not thrilled about it as my husband is having an affair. I found out about it for 7 months already. I've confronted him about it, asked his best friend to talk to him, asked my siblings to talked to him and caught him in a hotel. We have 3 kids together. This isn't the 1st time he cheated on me but the 4th time. The 1st time was when I was 2+ months pregnant with our 1st child. Every time, I forgave him but when I approached he will end the affairs immediately. But this 4th one, he's unable to do so. I'm 36, he's 40 and she's 19. I'm just fed-up with his promises that he's thru with her but I know he's still contacting her as they're still texting each other and he's meeting her after work or during the weekends. Last night I read an text from her in his handphone to ask him to buy pregnancy test. Any wife out there... you know how hurt I'm feeling now. I'm trying to find the courage to leave him but I just couldn't do it. Yes, my family and friends support me. They asked me to leave him but I just couldn't. I love him too much. And also, how am I going to feed my 3 children ages 9 years, 2+ years and 1+ year and I'm a housewife. I had left him together with the kids for a week back in Dec 2008, but like the usual story... each time he says sorry... I forgave him and went back to him.Please... anybody out there can help me... please give me strength. How to make this heart to leave him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): hi! I am sorry to hear of your pain and 'though I don't know how you feel, having been through the pain of a husband cheating, I can imagine! I have 4 children 13-7(they're now living with him, my choice) I have M.S and I had a blood clot 8 months after we seperated, so I had to let him have the children just to get well! We were married for fifteen years and the courage to send him to his parents' came from the question I asked myself, "is this what I deserve?" The answer was no! that was a year ago and M.S or not, life is and has been better; I'm in a loving committed relationship, 6 months now and I'm doing 2 university degrees and I loved my husband but I didn't love the person he became. I had councelling for six months when we first split and that helped me no end but importantly I knew, as you know, "once a cheater always a cheater"! If nothing else set an example to your children; that you are strong and better than this! I hope you make the choice that makes you happy with yourself! Good luck and be strong!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): just be brave and leave the scumbag. he wont change so you have to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Wow, I am sorry you are going through this! This is very hard thing to go through! I don't have advice but I just wish you the best and send you nothing but love and courage through this ordeal. I hope you find yourself closer to God and also closer to your friends and family. Just be tough, you've already given him ultimatums. The hard part is the kids. It will be hard for them. My parents said anything that parents get divorced, the kids end up suffering. he must not care about you too well to have kids with you and cheat on you over and over like that. I'm feeling quite lucky that I have yet to met a terrible person like your soon to be ex husband. If you decide to leave him now or file diveorce papers in the long run, I hope it's really what you want. Also, I'd have a serious talk with your so called husband. You've built ten years into that relationship and it seems like he doesn't care about it. Good luck you'll need it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): He obviously can't love you the way you love him and you are most likely holding onto false hope. I agree, I think you can do it, prepare yourself and do the best thing you could ever do. This 19 year old will probably not want him soon enough and he does not deserve you! It's so cruel. I feel for you so much, I hope you get better, you need to be happy with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Artistry that was such a great answer it touched my heart, please take her advice please, if you don’t act now this will influence your kids change their perspective on life and love, they deserve better and so do you leave him he doesn’t deserve you
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (16 January 2009):
 Hi there, This is important, you yourself are going to have to give yourself the courage, No one else can do it for you. That's why your husband keeps doing what he is doing, along with his wanting a variety, and not being true to you. He knows, please hear this, that you love him more than you love yourself. That is no good. You must build up your self-esteem, and find the will power to care about your feelings and how you are treated. He is disrespecting you, and as long as you take it, he will continue to treat you this way. Having three children does not make it easier. First of all you need to make a plan,write it down, you also need to save some money if you don't already have some saved. Think about what kind of a job you could do, maybe at a child care center, where your children would be able to be with you. That's something to find out about. In addition, he is sexually active by your information, so I would be careful with what he may be bring home to you. Who knows what the other women are into. You should also talk to a therapist to try to wrap your mind around moving on from this deplorable sitution. He is mentally abusive, and you are enabling him. He does not mean to be true, he needs a lot of therapy, but Iam sure he does not think so. To me, you are fighting a losing battle with him, and you have a portion of a husband. he's a cheat, and will probably always be a cheat. If he left you and married someone else, he would more than likely cheat on them, unless that womanlaid down the law and scared him out of his pants, with words that would make him know that she was not playing the game. Think about it, are you willingto let him figuratively walk all over you, you are worth more than that. There are men out there who would respect you for the person you are. let him go, he's worthless, he is your children's father, but whatkind of example is he being for his children? If you have a son, he will imitate his father, the girls will be worse, trying to please every man because they feel that their father was not satisfied , so they have to compensatein relatiuonships. it's bad for the kids in my humble estimation. But it is up to you, he is making your family very dysfunctional. Your call, decide what you want to do, youare stronger than you think, but you don't want to make the leap. For your sanity, you must take your life back and think for yourself, without him in the picture, he really does not deserve you, but you make it easy, you keep forgiving him, why, because you don't think you deserve respect. Stop the craziness, become your own person, and figure out what is best for you, he is halfway out the door, if the other woman is preggers, that is another problem, then what? Makeyour plan for survival now, go to www.socyberty.com/writers.quiet+voice.8137, and look for Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts. Read it twice, it may give you a better perspective on the situation. Time is too short to keep putting up with garbage. My mother and father separated for other reasons, she made it with four children. You must gather the courage and fight for yourself and your children. Stay in touch and I will try to help you if you want. There are agencies out there which will help you as well, you have to research, and your family will help, stop taking the abuse. Stand up for yourself, NOW! Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Only you can decide to leave him.I am in the simulair situation apart from my children are grown up and after finding out that my husband had cheated 3 times over the 20yrs we been married i still fell gutted and not sure what to do myself.
You are lucky to have family & friends also you have 3 children who need you to be there for them.If their is a lot of aruging think of their feelings to.I know it,s hard as you love him that makes it harder to decide what you should do but wish you luck as it wont be easy what ever you decide.
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