A
female
age
30-35,
*-kitycatlok-x
writes:Okay, let me just stress that NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS ARE THINGS I AM GOING TO DO! Please don't make any of the answers "You are too young to be thinking about this", as I'm not going to be participating in the act. I am simply curious. There are a couple of questions I would like to ask, and if you reply to them thank you for your time.Question 1.If someone's partner would like to do something sexually that someone doesn't want to do, should they do it anyway just to please the other? After all, a relationship is about negotiation. Does that mean that they should be willing to try it to please the other person, even if it's something they have never wanted nor considered doing?Question 2.If you go to another country when you are, say 16, and lose your virginity there, if you go back to your own country where the legal age is, say 18, would it still be illegal and could you get into trouble for it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): wow..i didnt know it was illegal to have sex at a certain age in different countries. thats so weird to me! i live in the U.S., there are 14 year old hoes walking around everywhere.
and just so you know, your not too young to be thiking about sex. sex is a normal natural act, i just dont understand how people can make it ou as some disgusting thing, it's not.
as for your first question, say Bob wanted to preform oral sex on Jane, but Jane didn't want him to, only, and ONLY if she decides to try it then it's okay. He could not force her to do it. that's rape.
A
female
reader, xLovex +, writes (6 August 2008):
Hi
My R.E teacher used to do sex education with us and he always said that it is good to be curious and he would rather we ask any question so we don't try anything because we want to know the answer lool.
Doing anything sexualy should be an expression of love. If one person wants it and another doesn't it doesnt express their love for each other which can result in the relationship being degraded. No one should be pressured into doing anything with their body. I would say that if they didnt want to and the other was pressuring them then they should say I don't want to because... and the reason why they don't. This way the other partner can see why not, have a better understanding from the other point of view and even strengthen the relationship.
For the second question i don't no as I have never been taught about it. Sorry The other answers are really good aswell so I'm sure you will find the answer :D
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 August 2008):
1. Yes relationships are about compromising and so on, BUT there are some things in relationships that you SHOULD NOT compromise. This includes your values, beleifs and morals. Also if you are not comfortable with something, you should never agree to something just to please somoene else. In that sort of situation, the other person should wait until you are comfortable. If they are a decent, respectful person they will wait. If not, then you know what they are truly like.
2. Im not 100% sure about this answer, but I think that if say you travel to a country where you legally can have sex and travel back to your home one where its illegal you will not be in any trouble as long as you dont have sex in your home country. But dont quote me on that...im not definate.
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (6 August 2008):
If you can ask these questions in a serious, articulate manner then you are entitled to an honest, respectful answer. The answer may assume some things about you and your situation based on our experience with people similar to you, and whatever information you state in your post. Whether on this Forum or elsewhere, acting like a responsible adult will go farther toward getting you treated like a responsible adult, than simply demanding to be treated like a responsible adult.
"PeterPan" gave you an accurate, straightforward answer to question #2. Even in places where the "rule of law" prevails there are often subtleties and nuances that outsiders don't understand or appreciate.
Question #1 is the basis for the ancient dialog:
First person - "If you loved me, you would do it."
Second person - "If YOU loved ME, you wouldn't ask."
Do NOT assume that this is necessarily a conversation about sex, or that you know the gender of either person!
Negotiation and compromise are important elements in relationships. So are sacrifice, respect, and deferral to the other person.
You are not obligated to satisfy your partner's every sexual whim, and most certainly not obligated to do so outside of marriage. What teens often don't appreciate is that they don't need any reason other than "I don't want to.". Yes, after a lot of "I don't want to.", your partner may decide he doesn't want you. There's always the question of whether he actually wanted you in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): You already have an answer to question 2, but I will say some more to question 1. It depends on what the act is. Is it going to hurt or are you (or whoever) afraid of trying it. It depends on the state of the relationship. A couple who have been together for some time are more likely to try things that they are not sure of then someone who is in a new relationship. You would want to know and trust your partner before you allow them to do something that you are uncomfirtable with so that you will know that they will stop if it hurts or you don't like it after they start. Things like anal sex for the first time, for instance, you would only want to do with someone who you trust a lot and have been with for some time. At least in my opinion.
You are right that people do things for someone who they love, but people who love someone also don't try to pressure them into that they are uncomfortable with. My wife and I have tried some sex positions that hurt her, so we either don't use those positions or we try to make an adjustment to see if it works better. Sometimes she doesn't want to try something new, because it is similar to something that hurt, so we don't do it. All of a sudden one day, she says lets try that when she is in the mood. Sometimes we never try it. It's about caring both ways.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Without passing any judgements (as you've requested) here's the answers you asked for (to the best of my knowledge).
Question 1: There's a general rule that says anything of a sexual nature should to consensual -- that is both people are interested in that particular activity. Sure. it's possible that one may be more experienced in that particular act and may be able to guide the other, but unless both partners are interested in exploring it, you are in no way obligated to try it. It is possible to convince the other one on the safety or morality of it, but the bottom-line still holds: unless both partners are interested in explore it, then you are in no way obligated.
Question 2: if you leave your country and travel to another country, when you are there, you are obligated to that country's rules and laws. If something is legal there and not in your native country, then it's legal there. Now if you were to travel back to your country where the laws might be different, then you are obligated to the country's laws... simply put, wherever you are matters more than where you might be from.
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