A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I've been in a relationship with this man for over a year now. He's married. In the begnning I idnt know he was married. His family lied to me he lied to me. I got pregnant and we now have I child together. She is 5 months old. He and his wife have 3 kids and... another on the way in feb. Also he has a 3 year old with another woman. I didn't know any of this until I was 4 months pregnant and honestly madly in love with him. Even thoug he has hurt me soooooo much. He says I'm the love of his life. His wife knows about me.. I even lived with them for 3 weeks while I was pregnant. His kids know he has another daughter. He triedto leave his wife but his kids stopped talking to. Him. Ages 14 9 and 3. So he told tem that we arnt together anymore and that he is going to stay with their mom. He says that he and his wife arnt really together. Se doesn't Even talk to him if the kids arnt around anymore. She has told me that she won't give him a divorce. Not because she wants to be with him but because she doenst want people to look down on her for being a divorced mother. She has also never worked a day in her life. They got married when she was 16 (in mexico) I feel really guilty that all of this has happened and that it has caused everyone so much pain. Now to present day.... I'm in tennessee. He works here. I stay here with him in the hotel during the week and on the weekends he goes to see his kids in georgia. I think his kids know I'm here with him but I think he told them its just so he can help me and be with the baby. This of course makes me feel very used and horrible and as you ca imagine very depressed. He tells me he loves me he wants to be with me and we are like a normal couple when he's here. He says he want to wait to divorce his wife until his kids get a little older and that someday will will be together for real... not like this. He apolagizes for making me suffer so much ad he even cries because he wants to be with me so bad but can't. Thi is what he says. I just doubt so much that he will ever leave her completly. And honestly I doubt that he loves me as much as he says he does. He says that its not right its not fair that god let us find each other and let us fall so deeply in love and not let us be together. But that it happened for a reson. I'm having a very difficult time dealing with this. I love him so much I don't think I could ever leave him. But I can't get images and words out of my mind of everything that's happened. Its driving me crazy. Seriously crazy. I have super bad mood swings I cry all the time. I feel like I'm the absolute worst person in the world. I need help. Advise. Something. I know you will probably read this and think this is completly Insane and immoral. I don't need you to judge me. I need help
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female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Merry Christmas first of all. Second, I'm very sorry you have gotten yourself in this position. I just want to point out that his children with his wife are as old as 14. So they have been going strong for well over a decade now, they survived the last chick he reeled in who had his kid. Who knows how many other girlfriends he's had who didn't get pregnant? I mean his wife apparently can live with her philandering husband and all of his mistresses and all of the babies he has with them. So you're not likely totally unique. If you were really the one he loves the most then he wouldn't be with someone else. And it's not "his kids" either. It's an excuse. If he wanted to leave he would. But why would he want to leave anyway? He gets to sleep around and knock chicks up, and his wife lets him get away with it. He's only telling you what you want to hear. Besides, you're also making it way too easy for him, to be a dog like that by believing his bullshit, and waiting around for him. He's full of shit, honestly he is. But I'm curious, whats his wife's attitude about all this? Is she some kind of twisted freak of nature who has never felt a tinge of jealousy? Or is she understandably bitchy and/or out right hateful towards you other women? I can't imagine how she can possibly be handling that situation, or a man like that. But what's really mysterious is how he convinced you anything he has to say is the truth and not utter b.s. especially after you found out he was married. How can you believe anything out of his mouth? I think the high of "love" is completely clouding your judgement. Any other dude pulling this shit would be obvious to you, no problem, but since you're sprung on him you can't even see it. He's a pud, a twerp, an asshole. I feel sorry for his wife and ALL of his poor kids. He's gonna spread himself too thin and all (but most likely only some) of his kids will be deprived because of that. I hope you can see he's about as great as cancer. Ditch the dream- it's only pillow talk to him. Good luck in 2011 to you and your child.
A
male
reader, billrocket +, writes (25 December 2010):
you have to put yourself-and your soon,to be baby first ,and foremost!!! if you plan-its not my place to say or judge,your desion-you have a choise,to bring your child,in to this world.its your body-nobody elses.i hate to say it,your boyfriend is a loser,useer,and cant keep his pecker,in his pants.or u going to be the other women.with a nother child,in his life-he needs his ,clip job-to stop babies-he never ,will take care of.you my dear,merry chrismas-happy new year.run as far away from as you can.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 I am not judging you, but I am judging him, very badly. Just for a moment pretend its twenty years in the future he is somebody your daughter is hooked up with and take a long honest look at him.
Look at his past record with women, how great is that? Not very good hey.
Look at the fact he has a three year old with his wife and with another woman. Wow, he sure was spreading his seed around then wasnt he, and practicing safe sex! Is this really want you hoped for your daughter?.
And doesnt this man string your daughter a gooooood line, oh God wont let us be together he must have a "SPECIAL" purpose in mind for us, we are so special, yada yada, why is your daughter listening to that.
What do you want to say to your 20 year old daughter ....
This could be her in twenty years time, her father is teaching her she isnt special, her mother isnt special, he is teaching her women are there to be lied to and fooled with, and to make babies with for them to bring up on their own.
If you wont cut all ties with this loser for yourself, think of the child, the sooner you get her away from him and his toxic lifestyle the better for both of you!
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