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Please can someone explain this man's behaviour to me? So confused!

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, I really need the advice of someone objective!

Basically I really liked this guy, and he told me he liked me too (more than once). He used to message me, offer to walk me places and would talk to me whenever he got the chance telling me how beautiful I was, etc. He also invited me back to spend some time at his where we chilled out together and stuff (nothing happened, by the way).

Anywaaay, we're part of a large group of friends, and one night this group of friends were going out so I was really excited because I thought it meant I would get to spend some more time with him. But I got a bit of a surprise when he spent the whole night getting with another other girl that I'm friends with. She didn't know that I liked him so it's not her fault at all. But since then, she's told me she likes him and that kind of leaves me unable to get with him again because I would be betraying my friend. So I'm not really sure why he would have made this situation if he genuinely liked me? But he really did seem to.

He hasn't spoken to me since even though he's had plenty of opportunity, and I don't want to try speaking to him because the few times I have he's just acted like he barely knows me. I think I made it obvious on that night that I was upset about him getting with her. I wouldn't have made that fact obvious had I been sober because I know I didn't have any right to as he wasn't really committed to me. So perhaps he's annoyed about that? But even so, it was still tactless of him to get with my friend in front of me all night.

She has since told him she likes him, and he told her he wasn't interested so I have no idea what he was playing at. The weird thing is that he really isn't the player type. I haven't seen him get with anyone else before or after this, and we're always in the same group when we go out. Annoyingly, I really liked him and because I thought he liked me too I set myself up for a fall. I'm just hanging on hoping he'll talk to me again, or at least just explain. I still catch him looking at me a lot, and know he listens when I talk because I remember pointing at something and him looking at what I was pointing at even though he wasn't part of the conversation. But I don't know if I'm seeing what I want to see. Can someone unbiased help me with where I stand with this guy? Is there any point waiting for him? I really like him and am so confused :s

Sorry this is so long, and thanks for any help :) xx

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A female reader, sneha09 India +, writes (3 March 2013):

sneha09 agony auntWell he is a good friend,be with him and make sure you both are comfortable.I agree with janniepeg sometimes girl gets too clingy and boys don't like that but the way he pays attention,he can be a good friend and that's it.There is nothing more i can make out from your words right now dear.Chilling out together and having good conversation doesn't mean you should be in a committed relationship in next step.

If possible,keep your feelings aside for sometime and try to converse when you are in groups rather than expecting anything more.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (25 February 2013):

janniepeg agony auntHe is not a jerk but he still wants to play the field. The difference between you and the other girl is that he knows what he ends up with whenever he tells a girl he likes her. It usually leads to a girl requesting a relationship, and getting clingy. So he knows better to not throw the word, like, so easily. He may like every girl he sees but without any intention of getting into a relationship. Some guys just appear to like girls to get girls to like them back. Head games are better than nothing, when young guys probably don't want to spend much money on dating.

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