A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help getting over the one i love. Ive been in love with him for nearly 3 years, i guess its my own fault its gone this far but i thought he felt the same and everyone i spoke to about it thought he did too. We're still friends, hes said he wants us to be good friends but he still being different with me just like he used to be, he reckons he never knows what to say to me but has no problem with anyone else. I believed what i needed to help me get over him was for us to become good friends. Because as people say "you dont have to have a relationship with someone, to be with them in life" In other words we have a life toegther as friends. In all honesty he still acts all shy with me and everything but hes told me twice he doesnt want a relationship so i've accepted his answer.Thing is i cant snap out of it, i miss him constantly, i just cant stop thinking about the good times we had and they upset me loads because i dont think hes the person he once was. I miss him even when im with him because i dont feel hes who he once was. And because of this i dont understand why i still feel this way. I see him quite often as we have then same group of friends and im greatful of that because if i didnt i'd just look back when i've finally got over him and think at least they still have contact and see him.I guess the fact im confused with how much has happened between us hasnt helped because i have no way of finding out, and the fact hes still strange (and no its not because he feels awkward from how i feel, i know that for a fact and hes fine with others that like him). I need to get over him but i dont wanna loose everyone in the process by not seeing any of them anymore. I cant find anything to take my mind off it as i know i will be seeing him and will get confused as to why hes different with me as a friend, to the point where its got ridiculous and he wont even grab a seat with me while we wait for the others, he has to stay with them. hes always been like this.Please advise me on how to get over him, hes the only guy i've ever loved and i dont want to carry on like this, i wish i didnt care for him because then i could just focus on my life rather than making sure we stay in contact. I feel this isnt normal anymore. What can i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): You know its not just at 18 you get this.
Im 54 and feel the same way as you.
My guy and I didnt see each other since January and I saw him the other night.
We can never be friends - he is too afraid even to touch me because he knew the pain would start all over again.
What came out of his mouth did not match what his eyes were saying to me.
The pain you are feeling is really bad - i have it too and it really hurts - the person who eventually comes up with a pill for heartache will become a rich saint.
Best of luck darling X
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 I agree with Moo's Mum. If you continue to stay friends with him, you're trying to put out your emotional attachment fire with gasoline. You need to cut off contact with him. You are stuck in one position with him, and you're feeling frustrated with yourself for being stuck. Staying with him even as friends, hanging on his every word, and being heartbroken he doesn't wait with you at a seat will keep you in that stuck position.
Do you have circles of friends that don't include him? Do you have some friends that you have fallen out of touch with? You might want to run with other friends for a bit and completely change your scenery. Maybe call a girlfriend and go be adventurous. Go on a blind date just so you can share the horror story! (LOL...or maybe it won't be a horror story!) Ask your friends to help you get over the guy - good friends have a way of pulling you through when you're down.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (28 August 2010):
You know him better then we do? what i can say is i would let him realize how much your missed! but he wont if you are always together. so hang out w/ different people then him do your own thing don't call him or text him and when you are not around maybe he will realize how much he does care! you don't miss what is always there. you know what i mean! you need sometime too! get yourself together you are so young and have so many opportunes!! if it is meant to be then it will be but slow down stop freaking out he might feel like you are smothering him? give him some breathing space and yourself, and he may come around show him a new positive strong independent lady thats what a guy likes.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 I've said this a lot on this site and I'll say it again I trully don't think it works to try and be friends with ex's. I think you can eventually be friends a long time after the wounds have healed but not straight away. You need time away from this guy to lick your wounds and get over him. Seeing him all the time as "Friends" is making it impossible for you to forget him and see all the other fantastic guys out there. Tell him for your own sanity you want to put some distance between you two for a while and then do some things for you that you enjoy and have some fun with your life.
Good luck doll you will be ok and life will get better!
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (28 August 2010):
 Time is the best cure, but I think for at least 2-3 weeks you need to stay away and not contact him at all. Let him know that because you still care for him and want those feelings to go away, you will not be contacting him for a while, and ask him not to worry but not to contact you either.
When you are ready and are not thinking about him everyday, you can try seeing him again to see if the feelings are still there, if they are, do it again.
After some time goes by, you can be best friends, like most of my past relationships, but you need some time apart and without contact to heal and get over.
My best friends and people who I can rely on are men from my past. Most of them are married or in long term relationships, but we still are able to be friends and hang out with their significant others.
Give it time.
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