A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to deal with my mother anymore. I'm from quite a strict european background, but it's not my dad who's strict but my mom.I'm 27 and I still live at home as I've bought a house together with my parents to help them out and for all of us to live in a nicer neighborhood.Up until about a year ago I never had a serious boyfriend. Now I do and I'm spending more and more time with him and finding out that I want a new life for myself and that I want to leave home.My mom gets angry at the smallest things and her solution is to stop talking to me for days after. She didn't talk to me for a week after I slept over at my boyfriends house. Now I drive home at 2am because I can't deal with her behaviour. I'd rather keep the peace.There was an incident a few weeks ago where she stopped talking to me after I wrongly sent a letter overseas addressed to her sister instead of her brother. I find this really hurtful and lately I've even gotten sick because of all this emotional upheaval.Ever since this latest incident she's been treating me differently and doesn't talk to me the way she used to. There's no normal conversation anymore and most of her answers to my questions are short and blunt.I have this feeling that she thinks that I'm 'growing' up and will 'abandon' her. I can't talk to her because I'll either get called stupid for thinking such thoughts or she'll get angry again.I'm making plans to move out in the new year (god knows how that will go!) but in the meantime I don't know how to handle being at home. It's a depressing and negative environment and it's affecting my work and relationship with my boyfriend.Despite her behaviour I also don't want to get to a point where I move out and never speak to her again. She's sacrificed a lot to get the family where we are today but sometimes I just can't take it anymore.Any tips for survival?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, andrew2  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 baby,am ayoung man of 28 stii in my fathers house,being with your parents doesnt mean u re not respondsible or shows that u re good enough.your mum should be your next flesh before your dad.well,everything is still the same,first find what your mum like most.chat with ur mum ask her the plans she has for u...let her talk from her heart may be there re some thing you probably suppose to undergo before getting married.let marry aside.if she cant change always be the first to ignore her,l know she will call u,but act wisely dont go too far take ur dad along,thanks
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Yes I do have some tips as I have a mother like this and had to finally break free! I'm 28!
I took counseling and realized that my mother has a mental disorder...she's a narcissistic where everything is projected back to her. She isn't comfortable with something, it becomes a big issue about YOU and not truly the real problem, her. Example, you have a boyfriend - she see's it as you behaving badly, rather than her realizing its her own anxiety thats the problem.
My mother is anxious and paranoid. She would have had me live at home till 30, then she would have found me a German doctor to marry and live with them at home. She sees it as the way its suppose to be done and has been done in Europe. She even wanted me to buy a house with her and my father.
You need to realize that this is her MENTAL issue. She has anxiety and is narcissistic. It really might be difficult for her, but you need to fly the coup.
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