A
female
age
41-50,
*ilithLoves
writes:Plagued by indecision, and am in need of some advice, or maybe someone to shed some light where I can not see! I left my boyfriend of 4 years a few months ago, we have a 3 year old, and Im 15 weeks pregnant. (Im 28) I am so thrilled to be pregnant, but I am not sure if I want anything to do with him anymore. I moved out because of all the fighting, it was taking a toll on our son. We have been trying to work things out for the benefit of our family, but it seems I am still on the fence. He has 2 other children that he never sees, and makes excuses about them, blaming it on the mothers, etc. He only starting paying child support in the last few years. Very laxidasical about getting a job. He is in school right now too. (lives with his rich father) I dont feel like he is doing right by his other children, but am not allowed to talk about my concerns with him, he gets very angry about it. He is a good father to our son, and very supportive to me, helping me out and giving me food/money when I need it. he has our son Sat/Sun/Mon's every week. He is immature for 30, lazy, smokes pot occasionally. He never fixed anything and doesnt take care of himself or clean up after himself. He has never made enough money for our income, Ive always been the primary breadwinner. He could have gotten a second job, but chose video games over that. He's also a compulsive liar and manipulative to anyone that will let him be. I left for these reasons.Now, with him starting school, and making progress for himself, learning to be grown up I guess, makes me believe in real possibility for change, but Im wondering if maybe Im wasting my time. I am a very independant woman, capable of taking care of myself. Ive never had a problem supporting myself. Ive been support us for many years, picking up his slack where necessary. I dont feel like I am in love with him anymore. I noticed that I only call him when I lonely. I want to do right by our children and have a stable family with everyone together, I am confused about what is really important. The best advice anyone can give me is "do what makes you happy". But I feel like my happiness is unimportant when compared to whats best for my children, our children. I also understand that my son notices that I am not happy. He is a brilliant child :) I definatly can not continue this onesidedness, I am exhausted waiting on him to do the right things. I dont want someone else, I just want to do the right thing, but I dont know what that is!Thanks for your devoted time to me in this moment :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You sound like a really nice person.
I am not sure what you should do, because only you know.
It's probably good for your son to have a father.
On the other hand, that shouldn't have to mean that you have to date this guy if you are no longer in love with him. In fact it's not really fair to you or he.
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