A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Last week i discovered pictures of my gf's exes (yes, there were pictures at least 3 of her exes in there, probably more) she had saved in her external hard drive in a folder. In the same folder, there were pictures of me too. She tells me they are old pictures and she didnt know they were there. I have asked her repeatedly to move on from her past, delete all pictures, etc b/c it bothers me a lot. She had some on FB, and after many arguments over the years, she finally has removed all pictures of exes from FB (or hidden them from me - I dont have her FB pwd, she has mine). I struggled hard to have her delete all pictures from her FB. At least 4 or 5 big fights over the years. She tells me she'd delete them, but she forgot, or sometimes she is busy, or sometimes there are so many pictures she needs time to go thru all and delete them. We have now been dating for almost 2.5 yrs.She is now telling me she was unaware of those pictures in the hard-drive. I dont know what to say, and am confused. Why would she save those pictures, like 20 odd pictures of her exes, different guys, in the same folder with my pictures. I am hurt, mad, confused, and don't know what to make of it. She is a very sweet girl in many other ways though. Help me heal.
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her ex, her past, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Poeple deal differently with their memories, their past and keepsakes. I think it is WAY more common for a women/girl to have that shoebox with all kinda of little silly things from various relationship. It doesn't mean that women/girls HANG onto the past any more then males.
I think you need to accept that she had a life before you and stop snooping around on her computer hoping to find dirt.
Let it go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I am being a little controlling. And I have my insecurities. Everyone does. Maybe I should shut up about it. But hers were not genuine relationships. They were all flings, hook-ups, she was no one's girlfriend. I am sorry I am feeling the way I am, but I did feel hurt, and disrespected, esp when there was a picture of me too in the same folder.I, in the other hand, have been clear about the past. I delete all contacts/memories altogether from the past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2011):
I think you are being way to controlling. You know you can not dictate what momentos she keeps from her life and you have to realize that she HAD a life and relationships before you.
She isn't displaying them around the house, she is keeping them in a folder on her computer. Maybe they were there from when she HAD them on her FB page.
I have pictures (in a couple of albums and a shoebox or two in the garage) from I was born til now - that is 42 years of memories. Yes, there are some of my first BF, of friends, parties, drunken photos and I can't remember the last time I looked at them. But there is no way I'm would toss them if my husband of 14 years didn't like them. He can just keep from looking at them. After all, HE has pictures of HIS life from before we met. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL! Now keeping sex tapes or xxx rated photos is a little more iffy if you ask me, but regular pictures? quite normal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): I agree entirely with Rescuer- the problem isnt the girl, it is in you. You sound incredibly insecure and controlling.
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