A
female
age
41-50,
*roken08
writes:Hey Readers, First of all thanks for reading this. I am probably in the worst state of shock, pain, and confusion that I have ever been in in my life! Here it goes...I used to date a great guy, we'll call him guy 1. I thought he was my future because he was the first person to ever treat me with real love and respect. But lots of issues started happening with his mom (yes, his mom) because she did not approve of me having a son from a previous relationship. So, long story short, things started to go down hill from there, I guess you can say I was "turned off" by the drama and guy 1 was a little too emotional...we broke up. Anyway, guy 1 has a circle of friends that have known each other for about 10 years, middle school, high school, college, all that jazz. During my troubled times with guy 1 I started talking to "guy 2". Guy 2 was a part of the circle of friends, but our relationship started strictly as friends because he had a gf too who is best friends with my guy 1. Guy 2 broke up with his gf of 5 years and he and I started seeing each other, but we kept it to ourselves to avoid the drama of "ex-girlfriend dating my friend" and all hell breaking loose. Now, before you judge, keep in mind that guy 2 and I had no type of physical contact when we were with our significant others. Our relationship started off great. We got along so well and we had so many things in common. He's in a band and I respected that and the fact that he spent a lot of time with it. He hadn't had any shows at the time but they were being planned. Guy 2 told me that he loved me everyday, that he wanted to marry me in the future, that he never had a better girl to hang out with or a better lover, he even talked about me being the mother of his kids. According to the way I saw it, things we're great. This went on for about 6 months, then one recent day I decided to google his band name because I was bored at work and he told me that they were working on a website. I came across the site for a local bar and it indicated that they had played a show there just one month prior to the date I found it. At first, I thought, ok, what's this, he didn't tell me about a show. I called him and he denied the show then I told him I saw the pics online. He then said that the reason that he didn't tell me was because the "circle" of friends was going to be there and he knew that I would want to go. Again, the "cirle" does not know about us. After arguing and hanging up I looked at the pics again and noticed that his ex was in one of the pics, with the circle, and he was standing with her. My heart dropped to the floor. At this point it was like my life changed in an instant. I told him about the pic and then started to cry and confessed that after seeing her that day for the first time in months he has been thinking about her a lot, that he misses her, and that he is confused as to who he wants to be with. Since then there have been arguments, tears, and he has not called me. He also confessed that his mom as well, had a problem with me having a kid and that I would only cause him problems because I am his friends ex. Last but not least, his ex is best friends with his mother and she is constantly begging him to come back to her. Keep in mind that she or no one else knows about me. The mom only knows that we talk. Guy 2 keeps saying that it was 5 years with her and that's hard to forget so he doesn't know what he wants. He did tell my mom that he loves me very much but he can't be with me due to the problems and that he is still undecided. He also confessed to calling his ex on her birthday and they had been talking on the phone since then. But, this whole time with me he was acting like nothing was going on and he continued to want to be with me and he said that he loved me, all until I found the pic. Now, I'm wondering what's going to happen because I break up with guy 1, he breaks up with his gf, then he starts missing her and is thinking about going back. The only one left to rot is me. What should I do? If he claims that he loves me even still, that he's undecided, and he doesn't know who he loves more, me or her. I fear that she has a better advantage because they had a relationship for 5 years and we were together for 6 months. Should I just prepare myself for the fact that it's over or should I give him time to decide? It hasn't even been a week since this happened and he says that he's not with her. What do you think? I'd appreciate your feedback, and God knows I need it.Thanks for your time. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): I think I would tell Guy 2 that if the decision is so hard for him, then he obviously doesn't love you and should go back with his ex. Let her have the indecisive idiot and feel sorry for her, because it doesn't sound like she'll get a great prize.
His words to you of love and marriage say one thing but his actions say another, and in the end it's the actions that count. He lied to you, he can't stand up to his mother or your ex about you, and he's been talking to his ex behind your back.
Put the circle of friends and both Guy 1 and Guy 2 in your past. It will be hard at first, since you loved this man, but just keep remembering his deceptions and maybe that will make it easier. You and your child deserve true love and loyalty, not someone who can't make up his mind.
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