A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So I was wondering... Is personality or physical attraction more important? Any thoughts would be appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 looks grow on you... personality is forever.
I tend to go for personality as long as the peson is well groomed and not too troll like... their looks grow on you as you fall more and more for their personality so that a snaggle toothed grin while annoying at first becomes rather endearing when it's attached to the face of the person you have grown to love...
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 depends how superficial you are.
some people can be happy with only the personality and still be able to love someone they are not attracted to
some people can stay with someone who treats them like crap just coz that person is attractive
some insist on both attributes
others are grateful to be with someone who is both ugly and has not good a good personality!
i think it depends on what you THINK you deserve in a partner, and also how attractive you are or think you are yourself. a very broad question! you also need to consider those that get with a partner because of social-life or financial reasons, ones that hook up with a partner because they want that person to fill a gap that exists in their life (mother father figure for themselves or their children, someone who needs a partner because they want to be looked after, financial, emotionally or sexually, those who need a partner because they are lonely with no family or friends)
ones who hook up with the dependable type because they are tired of getting screwed over by past partners, those who hook up with someone because they feel the need to leave home/be married/have babies.
so when dealing with all the above then very looks OR personality don't even come into it!
x
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (18 October 2011):
 What's to love if they have a bad personality? :P
And usually, average looking people tend to end up looking really hot after a while, if you develop feelings for them.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Yepps, looks fade, so why start it out with something you originally do not like? I feel like elaborating a bit, if you do not mind.
As you grow old together you adapt to the changes in each body, but also the main features will be the same. His smile. His eyes. The way he touches you, his bone structure, his height and shoe size. There are many things that stay the same, the basic features stay the same. It's ok not to like his hair style if you find the man in general attractive, as he might change his hair style up through the ages. But if you think his lips are disgusting, or you don't like his jaw-line, then that's a different matter.
There's also a difference between natural changes you can't help, and changes you influence. If a woman is pregnant and her body changes this is ok. If a man grows bald then this is ok, and in general will not affect our attraction towards the person. However, if a woman starts to smoke and gets wrinkles over her lips because of this, and yellow teeth and yellow nails, then that could be a change a partner will find unattractive. If the man starts to binge eat and gains a lot of weight and never works out, then that will be unattractive.
As I see it, and I think many agree with me, when it comes to attractiveness there is a huge difference between the changes you can't help, and the changes you are the cause of. Changes you are the cause of are more unattractive than changes you can't help. Changes you can't help often does not matter at all, and you will stay just as attractive to your partner through these natural changes. Of course, extreme cases are a category of their own, and I did not include those here (such as amputation and severe physical alterations, extreme plastic surgery etc).
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hey reginna, judging by your 3rd paragragh you've been spying on my old man again. Shame on you.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Look at my physique. In my own experience looks is more important with women not personality. So ive adapted or am continuing to do so in order to help my success with women
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Both are important, but don't forget that while looks fade, a personality is somewhat forever. If a relationship is only based on looks, it can't really last. You need to be able to take care of each other and be there for each other and make each other smile and laugh. However, I'm lying if I say looks don't matter, because being physically attracted to your partner is incredibly important.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 October 2011):
Both are important for a relationship. If you only like personality you have a friendship, if you only like the looks you have a purely sexual relationship that can never go beyond a casual fling.
Both attractions need to be there, you need to be attracted both to looks and to personality. If you find yourself only liking one of the two, or liking one more than the other, then it probably isn't the right person for you. I speak from experience, I've been with someone I was less physically attracted to and it wasn't a passionate relationship, and then I was once with someone who I had a great physical chemistry with, but we lacked communication and it was boring in the long run as well.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Good advise above :)I think it also varies slightly if your male or female.Men I think need to have that initial attraction, something needs to stir inside them. That could be a quirky smile, your eyes, a pretty face but I'm guessing more often than not it does have to involve whether they find you sexually appealing - and I'm not saying someone has to be model thin, you just have to be there type. I think in most cases in men it's an initial reaction to a woman.I think, well in my case I still need that initial attraction but it's possible that if you get to know a man (who you might not find attractive to begin with ) that you can develop an attraction to them.But, if were talking the potential of a relationship then you need both - I wouldn't want to date or be with long term an absolute stunner, who bored me to tears and men I think would agree it's the same for them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): Both are very important but also changing over time.
You need both to get the relationship going. Over time appearances will change. Everyone ages, wrinkles, maybe gains weight, loses hair, etc. But... if you have good personality and healthy relationship and love and respect your partner, then these natural changes will not hinder your relationship.
Now, sometimes they can. If he is going bald, stops brushing his teeth and bathing, wears smelly clothes with stains 24/7, gets a huge beer belly and sits around drunk and passing gas all day... then you probably won't sustain a relationship for long.
Also, beauty really is a personal thing. Although there is a "media pretty" standard for both men and women, the truth is you will know who is attractive and you will be attractive to someone.
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A
female
reader, auntyR +, writes (17 October 2011):
you need both. but then good looks are different to each individual. Usually a great personality makes someone even more attractive. Just think if a person was gorgeous looking but boring as hell, what sort of relationship could you ever have with them. Conversation would suffer. You need a guy or girl to make you laugh after all.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 To be honest you need to be both attracted to someone but also they need to have a good personality as well. But if I where asked what one is more important well then it would be personality for me because I would want someone who is down to earth and that I get on with and can have a laugh with. These qualities in my eyes are way more important than how somebody looks.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (17 October 2011):
For me, both are important. A girl can have an awesome personality, but if I don't find her attractive then I will not be interested in her. Likewise, a girl could be a fashion model but if her personality isn't a match with mine then any possible relationship won't last.
In my younger days I would have said that physical attraction is more important, as that was truly the case. However, I learned the hard way - having gone through a divorce - that personality cannot be overlooked.
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