A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I think my partner has some sort of personality disorder. We have know each other yrs and have a couple of kids together. We have had a volatile relationship in the past as he was a bit of a mummy's boy. He is 44 and we only started living properly as a family when his mum died 2 yrs ago. Just lately we seem to get on ok for a few days and then fall out. We aren't a close couple and I find it very hard to be affectionate to him as he has hurt me in arguement s calling me ugly etc. Our sex life is non existent and I don't feel confident approaching him about it as he thinks its disgusting. He is also immature in the sense that when we have words and I spend the evening in room, he's on his computer sending female friends pics of his self when he was young. Now the dust has settled he's swanning around the house happy as come be and yet was yelling and calling me names the other day. He can't seem to grasp why I'm still upset and unable to communicate with him. Does this sound like he has. Personality disorder or am I looking to deep in to it????
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Lets see if I got this right.
"he had a 27 yr old son who has disowned him and still hangs around on the odd weekends with guys who drink all day. "
So your husband has a 27 year old drunkard of a son who you keep around your kids. A 27 year old who in addition to being an alcoholic, also has "disowned" his father? How does that work? Or the father has disowned him?
Even so, why would you allow this drunken older man to hang around your children? Yes, it is their half brother, but I know what drunk people can do to children when you're not looking. I hope you make sure he doesn't enter their rooms at night. There's a reason your daughter didn't want to go with him.
I'd be very uneasy about this. You need to put your children first, rather than try to accommodate your husband. Stop pitying him and doing favours for him, he's a grown man. He can figure out his own life. In the meantime put your childrens safety first.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Are you thinking if he has a "personality" disorder that he can be properly medicated to prevent this behavior?
His behavior is not typical of any disorder I know of. He's just a selfish childish immature man.
IF, because you have children, want to try to make this work he would need to go to therapy with you (couples counseling) and both of you would probably need individual therapy as well.
I really hope for you and the children that this is the beginning of the end of the relationship. Remember that what the kids see you accept as his behavior is what they will learn is how a relationship should be.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 You are looking to deep into it, in the sense that : if he has a personality disorder, so what ? Are you a scientist, a researcher ? A psychiatry student ? A journalist writing a book about personality disorders ?...
If not ,all you have to care about is that , as alreday said, he is awful, he treats you like crap , he shows of not giving a damn about you , nor, apparently , about his own kids. Why would you want to keep him around anyway ?
You don't have the skills, the expertise, the professional licence, the moral obligation for treating his supposed personality disorder.
Compassion and generosity are great qualities to have, but not to the point of completely f...ing up your life and your children's. " Prima caritas incipit ab ego " = the first person you have to be charitable is yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for you reply, my children are 8 and 4. And he does not seem to care whether they are present during his outburst. He seems to blame me for everything and actually says I'm the one with the personality disorder. He critises almost everything I do and said the other day he'd had enough and was going to leave but if he did he won't be seeing his kids and he wants a clean break. Emotional blackmail. I had him back because I felt pity for him when his mum died and thought he'd realise the kids and I were all he had. May I add, his dad left him at 11 yrs old, he had a 27 yr old son who has disowned him and still hangs around on the odd weekends with guys who drink all day. If I dare every mention that I get accused of trying to take away his soul. I'm at my wits end with him now as he hasn't anywhere to go and is currently sleeping here. He has gone to visit his father this weekend with our son however my daughter did not want to go and again. This was apparently entirely my fault and caused a huge arguement.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): I do feel your hubby is suffering from a mental health disorder and basically that is what a personality disorder is. Though, he is not neurotic or schizophrenic etc nor does he come over as truly narcissistic ( though he is selfish) but more likely to be border lining bipolar disorder.. He is childish self centred and pretty vile by your account. What age are your children, may I ask? And where are they when hubby is shouting these derogatory insults??No matter how much you love him, what he is doing will cause you to lose confidence in yourself if you continue to let him of with how he is treating you .. And why no sex?? Your his partner not a substitute for his mother.Tell him to either shape up or ship out. Get an appointment with a doctor tell him he needs help this is not a normal or healthy environment for any of you's . As drastic as that may sound, you certainly can't live your life .. Walking on egg shells . You deserve so much more and so do your children .Lou xTake care keep us posted.
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