A
female
age
30-35,
*kirstie*
writes:So I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 months today. And at the beginning of our relationship he was all sweet and always wanted to be with me and made time for me if he could. He always made me so happy when I was in a bad mood. He would always text me and hang out with me. Then it seems like after I came back from Lava Hot Springs in Idaho for a little vacation time with my best friend, he changed. He started leaving every weekend to go race his bullet bike and drink. Then when I'd come over he'd be playing Halo all the time. Then he stopped texting me during the day at work cuz he said he was working hard. But he wouldn't come home till around 8 from work when usually he would come home around 6 so that we could hang out. And recently we started to get into really bad fights. I tried to ask him what was going on and I tried to tell him that communication helps the relationship but he doesn't communicate to anyone he says. When I'd be over at his house, usually I stay the night cuz he said I helped him sleep better. He used to always cuddle with me and act all cute. But now I have to do the work. If I don't text him then we might not text or talk at all that day. And if I don't ask him when we're going to see each other next then I won't get to see him. When I talk to him on the phone he acts like a jerk to me now. He says that's how he is but he never used to talk to me like that. And if he couldn't hang out he'd just say he was leaving in a minute and I'd ask why and he said I'm just leaving, and I'd ask where and he'd say why does it matter? I told him when we got in our second fight that if he just gave me a simple answer like "I'm going to my buddy's house" then I'd be fine with that and I also told him when he was in a bad mood if he just said "my boss is being a jerk" then I wouldn't ask anymore and I'd give him his space. But he won't do it. He's becoming more withdrawn. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesn't show it anymore. I don't know how to show him what he's doing to me is really hurting me and our relationship. He won't tell me things, he doesn't really want to hang out anymore, he doesn't really want to talk that much anymore, which is the thing I value most in this relationship. I would love to at least be able to talk to him everyday. I asked him to make an effort to communicate but he seems uninterested in trying. How do I get it through his head that he needs to tell me things and at least talk to me? I asked him to try to say things in a nice way and he says its not him. Which I knew from the start that he was just a jerk of a guy, its how he grew up, but still it doesn't make sense how he changed. So how do I get him to at least try to say things nicer than how he usually does? And how do I keep us from arguing? How do I fix this relationship? Because I really love him a lot and I don't want to walk away from something that could be great for me if he's just having some problems in his life. How do I get him to communicate with me when he's so stubborn?
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male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Hi dear, you should insist that he tells you what is going on because for your well being its not good if he constantly gives you a negative attitude, it is also a lack of respect that he has for you if he does not tell you what's wrong. If he is in bad mood that's o.k but he has a moral obligation to jusifly himself why he is in bad mood. The way he is treating you is not nice. I suggest you talk to him in a polite and gentil manner and make sure you get your point accross to him. Mention it to him twice a week or so, Set yourself a peroid of time like a couple of month's or so, if he does change his behaviour in the next coming month's I suggest that you brake up with him. Even if you are in love with him. His attitude is simply wrong and it is going to effect you if he does'nt change soon.
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