A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy who is a friend of friend a few months back. We got on well even though he appeared quiet and reserved initially. Eventually we left the bar together, leaving our friends behind to go to another bar where we chatted for another 4 hours - everything from previous relationships right through to salaries and expectations for the future such as children and where we'd like to live. It was really nice and so easy to chat openly to effectively a stranger (if not slightly drunken). I ended up back at his place and well, nothing major happened but when we woke again the conversation was great and so easy even though I had to leave at 9am.We didn't swap numbers which puzzled me but I did tell him about my current love interests - which is actually non-existent I just told him about my male friends I find attractivce. He said that he had broken up with his 4-year girlfriend a few months back and that it should have been over long before that. I had told him that I didn't want to be his rebound and we laughed. What I felt bad about though was having had a great night together I didn't want our mutual friends to know we ended back at his and made him promise not to tell them.Long story short I thought I would find out his email address and on the Monday I emailed to tell him that I had a great time. I know that is against all rules but I felt strongly about it although kept the email short, slightly closed and with some wit in it. Knowing that we had a few mutual friends I suspected we might bump into each other but I received no reply. I don't want to sound conceited but I was really confused - yes we had talked alot on what was on our minds but I thought we both understood we had a great time, although going back to his we were very "shy" with each other and we both knew each was single. He's a teacher and I knew he was out of the city for a while but thought it strange as everyone checks their email regularly!Fast forward 8 weeks on and it's term time again. I go to mutual friends party....And there he is! I'm full of dread as think he's doesn't give a damn and I do my very best to hide from him for as long as possible. However he makes his way to me, to greet me with how sorry he is for not replying, how stupid he was and that he knows it was rude not to and that he thinks he's an ar*e. It is obvious to some of my friends that we are excited to see each other but again no swapping of numbers just a goodnight peck on the cheek and a "see you again" with a cheeky grin that leaves me begging to see him again.I really like this chap and my gut feeling is that he likes me. Am I just being a pathetic female and reading too much into this? Should I accept he could have replied and he didn't because he just isn't into me? Or is it a case of what we discussed - like me making him swear that he tells none of our friends what happened (ie the late night bar chats alone then back to his place)? What are your thoughts? Should I email him again or should I wait til I see him in mutual friend territory again? Thank you :)
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Hiya honey, My heart goes out to you right now. I've been where you are, and as the old sayng goes " a guest for a while can see for a mile " Please believe me when i tell you, you've had a lucky escape!! I'm about ten years older than you so believe me when i say, what a guy tells you about himself very early on it's always the truth.I'm talking about the part when he says " i know i'm an ar*e " He's absolutely right. Plus the fact you said his best mate was winding you up so much you wanted to leave.You are the company you keep, and the company he keeps is not good and so he will be exactly the same. He sounds like a weak character with no balls and you can do so much better. Please don't judge yourself badly on this. You sound like a great girl and he sounds like someone you'd have to be a councillor or a saviour to.You deserve someone who'll make your life better than it already is, not someone who will be a big energy drain.A far better guy is just round the corner i guarantee it.Good luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer...You know what? What you say is what I thought but just needed a stranger to say it to me :(Notwithstanding that. The more I think the more I am confused by the situation. When I first met him barely noticed me (actually he was just watching people at the table - didn't interact with anyone but that's what got me noticing him!). I got into a debate with his best mate and decided to leave the bar (his best mate was really doing a good job of winding me up) which is the point that he suddenly perked up and asked if he could join me. Deep down I also do think he is shy with the ladies, probably more so as he hasn't dated for 4 years....but he is also an idiot for not liking me enough to even grace me with a polite reply to my email!! Even some well meaning friends have suggested he was put off by my confidence and probably slightly intimidated by me (at least on the face of it, he has worked out or has been told that I'm a high flyer in a well known and respected firm...I didn't take the opportunity to reassure him that his lower salary doesn't mean I don't respect him). At least my friends are trying to repair my confidence.However: bottom line. He must have had his beer googles on that evening, woken up and acted liked he wanted a relationship with me but actually was lying to me all along. How gutting. Not so much that he didn't like me. I have been kidding myself on all these years, I trully am a bad judge of character!!!
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (4 September 2009):
Hi there, I'm really sorry to tell you, but he's just not into you. I know if i was you it'd be the last thing i'd want to hear, but sadly this is the truth.
If he had wanted to see you he would've got your number. Shyness has nothing to do with it. Please don't get in
touch with him again cos it looks like you're desperate.
Sounds like you told him your life story that first night. Thats always a big mistake. Try and keep some mystery about yourself so a man wants to find out more in the future.
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