A
female
age
36-40,
*unshinek
writes:Hi...I have a question about dating two people at the same time. Sorry it's long...I have been dating Guy 1 for 2 1/2 years now. We lived together for 2 years and we have a solid relationship. I recently graduated from college and moved back home (2 hours away) and he's still finishing school (he has 2 years left). We get along fine, see each other as much as time will allow, and speak everyday. Basically there's no problems in our relationship. The only issue is that for the entire 2.5 years we've dated, we have pretty much kept our own private lives even while living together. What he does when he goes out, I really don't know, what I do when I go out, he really doesn't know and our time spent together is good. I'm pretty sure that he's done things I wouldn't approve of, but so have I. I have seen other guys while still in our relationship, but I knew they meant nothing to me and it was all in fun. I developed no emotional attachment, so it didn't really bother me. The problem is that since I've been home, I met Guy 2 who I have a lot in common with and could really see myself liking. (and he is local which is a major plus) Though Guy 1 and I are happy and get along great, I really see Guy 2 as a better match for me in the long run. I haven't been out with Guy 2 many times yet, but I don't want to spend too much time with him yet, as I'm afraid it will be too easy to get attached. What do you think I should do about the situation? Continue seeing both of them and risk my relationship with Guy 1 (I don't plan on telling Guy 2 about Guy 1) or leave one of them alone and always wonder what could have been? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Im going through the same thing and I have the same problem all are good answers but if you think on it whats really keeping you from staying with guy one and having someone else watch over your property with me well Im not as old her parents dont like me dont want us to see each other and I met anothr girl and we have a bunch in common only thing is I made the mistake of going out with number 2 but I love them both I guess my problem is that I care for both of them and I went out with 2 because she went through a relationship and just had her heart broken and I always wanted to date her since I met her wich is 2 days before she lost the one she was with problem continues number 1 is a trained fighter and will kill me hehe they both say Im the perfect guy but Im not because I care to much and I put them in this situation its tearing me apart #1 graduates this year and gets out of the house #2 is the same age as me and we have a little ways to go I dont know what to do either but the way I see it is you dont really want to be with 1 because you didnt take the time to stay with 1 while he had his time left pluss you kept your lifes secret wich says I dont want to tell you the truth only what you want to hear I try to spend time with both of them but I can see 2 more and Im just afraid that I cant get out of this the rite way all you have to do is look at it with wich one gives you the best time you have had so far and treats you rite and you have to open up more to I probably wont look at this page again but if I do I hope someone else puts a story down like ours and explain how it look in their perspective and if so I want this to help you open your eyes and see good luck and be carefull out their
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): i think as a guy im already prejudice against what you girls have to say. but i think its fairer to tell guy 1 that you found guy 2. and it becomes important to tell guy 2 about guy 1 if you intend on getting serious with him. dating and hang out with someone of the opposite sex is different. i think right now your problem is that you want to be able to see guy 1 more often but you can't. guy 2 stepped in and showed you a good time. i am in no position to judge either of them but considering that you have a 2 year+ history with guy 1, i think you're more infatuated with guy 2 or getting bored with guy 1 then actually in love with guy 2. but then again love is a strong word and who dates someone because of love these days? ppl usually talk about love after dating for a while. when you wonder what could have been then it already shows you how serious you are with the person you're with. if you're already doubting yourself when guy2 comes along and guy1 is there for you but not "in person" as time doesn't allow then i don't think you're serious about guy1. if you were serious you would tell guy1 about your problems rather than do this behind his back. if you choose to solve your problems on your own even if the result affects guy1 then i don't think you care much about guy1, or rather you care more about yourself than guy1. and love is when you care more about someone than yourself. hope this helps, whoever you pick, guy1 or 2 be sure that he is the one YOU want. then what "what if's" are there to be thought about? enjoy the person you have chosen to be having confidence in yourself to choose the right one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): i was sorta in the same position 2.5 years ago. I ended up getting rid of guy 1 and dating guy 2. still seeing guy 2 and friends with guy 1. Very messy break up though. Guy 2 is great, few flaws but i can't see a day going by without him. Hope you find your happiness! I know its unfair to put guy 1 through it and play him, but if you've done it before maybe see how guy 2 plays out a bit without doing the dirty as such. See how the friendship goes. Relationships arnt the same as friends though s you know. So i guess go with your gut feeling. Write down what you want most of all in a guy and see who matches it most. For me i wanted someone who i can carry on with and have a laugh. guy1 wasn't into that sort of thing. I wanted ambition as well. So i have a guy who i can carry on with and has ambiton in the same areas of expertise as me. He is less romantic and less spontaneous, but we're working on that. The most important thing for us is as long as we love eachother. I cant live with him , but cant live without him lol. Good luck!
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