A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Backround, im 24. Male, Dating a 23yr old girl.We live in South Carolina by the beach. I go to school and work full time. she works alot.Weve been together for like 18 months now and we live together. We started out great and use to be very intimate but then after six months I had an incident with with proformance anxiety in bed. And the junk wehn down. I dont know why? I love the girl and i think now it was because i want to be great, i guess perfectionist but i know you cant be great everytime. This has played in my head for like a year, compounded and it was up and down and our sex hasent been the same. she is a bitchy person and we have had some big fights but we love each other. As every other guy on here, sex has declined and so has affection. I am probably overly nice to her, i buy her gifts, romantic and do anything for her. Massage her feet, rub her back.etc...i dont want to keep my hands off her, cuz im very attracted to her. She never massages me, never wants to make out, just simple kisses, doesnt respond to me comming on to her, i kiss her neck, she doesnt respond, and sex has become more of a task then pleasure, she has been supportive of the the up and down thing but i feel that maybe the reason why she is not affectionate is because sex has went from amazing to so so to great to shitty to better to i dont know what or when.And when she gets irritated when i touch her wrong or accidently pull her hair to hard when we have sex, it turns me off, like she actually gets instanly pissy like im doing it wrong, what a blow to my man hood.. Im very confused, she is bitchy and then apologizes, gets angry so fast at me for trivial stuff, i never get angry really because i love her, i put her before me because she makes me happy, i mean, when she is nice, i dont require much, affection, love and patience is all i need from her but this lack of affection and sex and turn downs is making me feel worthless. I feel unattractive, and useless, i feel like im not appealing to her. I have thought of her with other guys sometimes, i guess the reason for this is im imaging her happy and sexual with someone else, because i feel like im not doing if for her. i looked this up and suproisingly its supposedly normal for a guy to fantisize about his girl with another guy but never actually want it to happen. Idk, her distance and lack of affection is distroying my self esteem. I also think that all the bitchyness and the sharp tones and anger has pushed me into this proformance anxiety thing, like i have developed a mindset that im not doing things right or im not good enough? I have been with many girls but this sucks. i love her to death but i dont kow what to do? i feel like im so messed up? Does anyone experience these things or a portion of them? ladies, please comment too.
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female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well, it sounds to me like she is aggitated with you for some reason and it's probably not because of your "not so great" performance a year ago. It just seems like she is looking for any reason at all to snap on you. What kinds of things are you arguing about all the time? Do you think that you are being overly affectionate and making her feel smothered? You seem like a really nice guy and your intentions are very sweet. You have to be comfortable with your partner and then you won't have anxiety issues (but you also have to be comfortable with yourself). I would sit down with her and tell her how you are feeling (as far as your self esteem goes, and how you feel like she's always snapping at you) and ask her what makes her do these things, ask her if you did something wrong to upset her.. but do it nicely and calmly. I see that you both work alot but don't forget to take time to have a date night, do something special together. You can't lose that just because you live together. Personally this sounds a lot like how I feel towards my boyfriend, but that's because he's done so many things wrong to me that I am aggitated with him a lot of the time. Back rubs and foot rubs sound great, lol.. don't know what thats like. Communication is key here. It cant hurt to tell her how you're feeling.
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