A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. I am male 33 and married, and doing fairly well in life. I feel stuck in life, stuck in my past memories, people who were near to me once upon a time I miss them so much. I feel so lonely and lost all the time, as if the world has moved on and I am stuck in time. The people I had feelings for are all grown and evolved, busy with their lives and making their carriers. My memories are dead ,burried and forgotten long back but I am stuck with those memories because I used to feel good about myself back then but not anymore. I was a self centered person who liked the attention when I was young and lived my life to the fullest. But people I liked either drifted apart overtime or rejected me and over the years I gradually came to realisation that people's life didnt revolve around me and they had a much larger life outside my world, maybe that's the reason they aren't in my life anymore. I lived in my own paradise and I laugh about it now when I look back. In short, I miss being missed and now I hardly matter to anybody after all these years and I feel numb and I am silent. I have become very introvert person and like to be alone most of the time, I have put on a lot of weight and my health has degraded overtime as I approached my thirties. I have lost all my confidence and miss my old life of being active and fun loving as if it was a dream. Maybe I just need closure with them and just want to know how they are doing in life and this will maybe soothe my constant sadness, who knows. I don't know how to deal with these feelings and constant sadness and dispair. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2018): You've hit a little slump, and maybe suffer a touch of depression. When people hit their 30's; they reach a point they'll look back on their 20's, and miss being young and carefree. You're having a bout with arrested-development. You don't want to grow-up! You put on weight; probably from eating to soothe your doldrums. Your metabolism has slowed-down; which means you have to step-up your physical-activity. Like cycling or jogging. At least brisk walks!
Go see your doctor and get a full medical evaluation. Get yourself on a health-kick, and eat right. Get yourself to a gym, and try and include your wife in your activities. She IS a part of your life; and you shouldn't feel so alone, when you have a partner. It means you're being self-centered and neglecting her. While you wallow in self-pity; and eating yourself into oblivion.
You're still quite young, kiddo! You're lazy, and stuck in the past. Set the clock forward; those were the good ole days, but everyone has moved on. Now you have a wife. Do you have kids yet? If you have a family, they should be your priority, not dwelling on days gone-by.
Your mental and physical health may be your problem. You should get both checked. When weight starts weighing on your mind, it's time to diet and eat healthy. You need exercise.
You can always catch up with friends; but expect them to be adults. If you were stuck on yourself back in the day, their memories of you just may not be as fond as yours are. So proceed with caution. It's time to grow-up!
Take your wife dancing, long walks, nights on the town; and show her a good time. It's not all about you!
A
male
reader, Rhinocerous  +, writes (31 October 2018):
 You have to stop looking to others for validation and take responsibility for your own self-worth and self-esteem. Quit wallowing in self-pity and instead make your mind up to be determined to make YOURSELF happy instead of expecting others to do it. Take up some hobbies (learn to play a musical instrument, learn another language, join a workout program, remodel your house, become a good cook, whatever) and make the best years of your life NOW and not 10 or 15 years ago.
I'll bet you'll be surprised that if you take responsibility for your own happiness you'll start to see people gravitating towards you again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018): I am the one who asked this question. I am sorry if I am coming across as pussy by asking this question but trust me I am mature enough to understand how life is and how things work. I want to overcome these feelings and improve myself for a better life. Please don't misunderstand me. My only problem I feel is that I have wasted a lot of my later twenties dwelling upon those old memories and I couldn't build up any life for myself. I constantly thought of how good it was back then and missing the good old myself. I know it's sounding very stupid but I can't seem to let go of the past and constantly obsessing over it. Maybe I just seek closure to my exes ? Or just missing my old friends and how good the life was ? Maybe I just want to know how they are doing in their lives now? I am what I have made of myself I know. I was just looking for some moral support and encouragement.
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