A
female
age
26-29,
*ikayla5170
writes:I'm straight and i am attracted to men, although everyone think that I'm a lesbian. I'm really stylish, and my style is a bit different and odd, i do wear makeup and my hair is very short . I enjoy whatever guys do enjoy, basically im a tomboy. Most of my friends are guys but i do still have some female friends, but i enjoy hanging out around guys since they do understand me and my hobbies as well as we do have so much in common. Of course i do still like feminine stuff but I'm not too obsessed about them or either care too much about them. Guys always tell me im attractive and fun, and i do attract lots of guys, i do flirt with them and they do too, but still people everywhere still thinks im a lesbian. When people get to know me better, they always tell me 'at first we thought you're a lesbian, but when we knew you better, you're a complete different person''. I don't know what to do and I'm really annoyed of the rumours that im a lesbian, will this just get over by time or will always be a rumour between people? Is it my looks or my personality?
View related questions:
flirt, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 March 2016):
 If I were to guess, I'd guess the hair. You said that it was "really short", and add that to you being tomboyish (I was one too! I still refuse to wear heels for anything!), and you can see the stereotypes start spinning.
I've heard the lesbian stereotype assumption based on the hair alone, and then the labels start flying. I'm not saying that you should grow your hair! If you like it, keep it as it is! But that's probably the main reason for the initial assumption. You say that your style is "a bit different and odd"? That's another big reason for the first impression. The alternative look coupled with the really short hair has people thinking those conclusions before getting to know you.
You should stay YOU! And people who misjudge you are going to get a big lesson in pre-stereotypes they won't soon forget. Those who matter will get to know who you are. Don't give in to conforming to stereotypes.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Its probably more that you are single and hanging around with boys. Majority of people are not friends with the opposite sex unless they are not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. So it's neither your style or hobbies, but the fact that you hang out with boys/men who you never do anything sexual with and are strictly friends with. For the majority of people that is impossible, as they will find that one or the other always develops feelings/sexual attraction and will want more. Keeping it strictly friend is impossible for most. I might have a lot in common with some men, but I am not friends with men, simply because my experience tells me they will ALWAYS make a move on me, sooner or later, and it will end in tears or drama and the end of the friendship. So no point in trying, from my experience.
I too would guess you were lesbian, if I saw you with only male friends who you never had any relationships with. Not that it can't happen, you are proof that those friendships are possible. They are just unusual.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2016):
 You could be called FAR worse things, you know that right?
I've been a "tomboy" most of my life, short hair, long hair, you name it. And I don't know if anyone thought me a lesbian at any point in time, nor do I really care.
I would just do like Tisha suggests - if anyone brings it up or mention it, set them "straight". Other then that, learn to not give a fig. Because as Tisha also points out... you can't control what other people do, say, think or feel.
The other option is to "change" or tone down the "tomboyishness" and WHY should you change because others guess instead of ASK your sexual preference?
My guess they DO "judge" you on the short hair and maybe your mannerism. But ONCE they get to know you they realize they made a wrong call. SO what does that tell you? That only strangers who DO NOT know you might make that call.
Be who you are. You can't help ignorant people.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Well, I think an excellent approach to answering your question of "is it my looks or my personality" is to ask those people who admitted they thought you were a lesbian the question.
"Hey, when you first met me, you thought I was a lesbian. I've been curious, why did you think that. Was it how I look? How I acted on our initial meeting?"
Perhaps you are projecting something you aren't aware of? Ask those who know you best and love and care about you this question. "Hey, I'm wondering why everyone who doesn't know me seems to think I'm lesbian. Could you gently explain to me what I'm projecting that would cause them to think that?"
Or you could nip the rumours in the bud by clarifying your orientation straightaway (bad pun). "Hey, don't let the short hair fool you, I like boys!"
As for being annoyed about the rumours that you are lesbian, well, you can't control what people think. You can only control your own reaction to them. So chin up and be yourself! :)
...............................
|
