A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear friends, Can anyone tell me How can i stop being foolish and giving a 100% of me regarding people?I m just fed up with that but cannot stop it. I feel perfectly fine when alone,the prob.is when I fell in love with or allow certain so called friends to get close to my heart I cannot stop But to give everything,from affection, suppport,reliance at any time,money,just everything..im writing this of 2 reason:My close friend(i thought so)for whom i was always there when needed in any kind of situation to back up,Now has left the country,marrying some man seems totaly to have forgotten me! Almost 3 weeks has passed and she even didnt write single sms on her own behalf, only is replying on mine in a most silliest way like Im ok thanks, Hope ur fine too. and thats it.the point is I know she would call when I would need her,being of giving her advice(since she cannot hadnle alone many things) or asking contacts that i have in Germany(since she is going to move there) And I know that how hard i Will try not to do that I will. Also my bf,I have no prob. He's going alone on holiday or doing things for his pleasure only...Im not possesive But it seems he Takes only advantage of it,never putting any effort to make anything for me.I have a friends that do not move with their finger and still have their life sorted would say,gaining as much as possible, And i cannot simply Stop giving myself. ShOuld i consult physician? Is this some kind of child-syndrom transfeered to me now as adult Or? My ex.also I have to mention,who i broke with and dont want to see him again, Was not moving his fingger to make any happy moment for me...I was the one who was organising the dinners,who was providing entrances to clubs,buying him presents simply doing everything.AFTER we break, He was to be seen with a girl for which he WAS doing everything,Was to be seen buying her expensive presants, flat, using my name To eneter The clubs just for her,going and moreover paying her for holiday simply everything.I was so depressed that i just clean up him from the alive persons.AFTER 4 months he called me to complain how he is Broke, Needs some Money, How he is unhappy and etc.I was mute,Still was in love, regardless of everything and I told myself I wont give him anything more,but couldnt resist, Giving him some Money and saying never ever to see his face again. He called again, and again, so I had to change my number for a while. Now I have another BF he seems oK, but the EX seemed OK too, and I dont want to make again the same mistake, although i know i will, since I'm simply like that. And heis Perfectly aware of it.And as far as im concerened I didnt Want relationship,HE WAS puting that notion into my head,till i got melted finaly, and fool again.I dont want to change that part of me,just want to find compatible partner,someone who would appreciate that instead of taking advatatage of it.AND in the lack of that,How can I prevent myself!! ANYYYYY hellpppppp Pleaseee
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depressed, fell in love, her ex, money, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBtw dont get me wrong But in the course of my life has shown that Almost everything is buyable with money, at least when pleasure is concerned. And although dont want to buy BF,theirs conduct is like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering. Im not in that stuff of making tests or anything,although think that That could be useful.But having in mind that im head over heals with work,nor have time nor motivation in mind for such things. As far as my friend is concerned,i apsolutely understand her situation.she is starting a "new " life,although never understand what that suppose to mean,But i Cannot understand her being able to forget totaly about her past and everything connected with it.I dont think she is that in lack of time to write a\or at least call somethimes,instead IM SURE calling when need something from me.It is annoying.
im not trying to compensate anything with money,Im as Im but usualy my bf's extract money from me. I do not mind,giving or borrowing them but cannot understand that issue.If i were in such a position would they act the same? Im in doubt! Ive put a lot of effort to secure my life,financicaly without any help,AND never in my life has asked for such a favours.
Why never any of them bought me any present?
They think I can afford and consequantly i dont need and wont be happy to see such an act? or ?
Im in for advice of Minelisse, to let them figure out instead of giving.Will make effort to act like that.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 There is a phrase in Puerto Rico that says: "If you bend too much, you a$$ will show!". I do not mean to be offensive by this phrase but it is a very pictorial way of saying a truth.
Let's begin with your friend. Don't be egocentric, she is starting a new life with a mate. I don't think she is purposely forgetting to call, she is dealing with a lot of new circumstances in her life and that can be very stressful and enjoyable. You might never have the same kind of friendship because things change, people come and go in and out of our lives regularly weather we want it or not. Be thankful of the good memories together and help her if she needs help.
Now, the bf issues. Are you sure they love you, really? Are you trying to compensate something with money? Do you not feel confident enough to understand you deserve better? The truth is, at least from my point of view, you are able to tell if a guy is really into you for the right reasons or not. I mean, he doesn't need a lot of money to give you a card or to pay for the movies or to deny going to a club because he is not able to pay for it. Guys tell us a lot of stuff, we are just too into them to hear them! You are an intelligent woman if you have 700 something employees at your supervision. I know there must be that little annoying voice inside of your head questioning what you've experienced.
Basically I believe people are taking advantage of you because your are letting them. Don't bent backward for someone all the time, this is to be done only when extremely necessary. When someone needs money, let them figure out how to instead of giving it to them. This will not only save you a lot of pain but will also let them grow and mature from the experience.
Best of lucks.
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 As you pointed out, I also You dont need to change,Just to be more cautious about people you re befriending and guys ure Having. You did right with ur Bf, money counts nothing when compared to him not tormenting you again.Do it the same to ur friend, but this time,Fail to give her any support or whatever she might ask for.
As far as prevention is concerned, make test to people that are becoming dear to you.When somebody ask YOu something than take an occassion to Ask him/her to reciprocate that.If it fails and that is repeating,buzz off them as any reliable persons in your life.
You have such a beutiful and pure nature it seems, so why to change!? You will able to find alike to you im sure, maybe now its just not the time. Dont let The system get You down my dear.And if Your Christian You will understand this.
Good Luck
pm me if need talk
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): As you pointed out, I also You dont need to change,Just to be more cautious about people you re befriending and guys ure Having. You did right with ur Bf, money counts nothing when compared to him not tormenting you again.Do it the same to ur friend, but this time,Fail to give her any support or whatever she might ask for.
As far as prevention is concerned, make test to people that are becoming dear to you.When somebody ask YOu something than take an occassion to Ask him/her to reciprocate that.If it fails and that is repeating,buzz off them as any reliable persons in your life.
You have such a beutiful and pure nature it seems, so why to change!? You will able to find alike to you im sure, maybe now its just not the time. Dont let The system get You down my dear.And if Your Christian You will understand this.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDid i also mentioned that Im in charge of 757 emploees in the company i work for as chief manager and that all this is reflecting on my work,my effectivness and ability to cope with everyday tasks! Just to add
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