A
female
age
30-35,
*harl.bri
writes:my long term boyfriend is going into the army next year after we have finished college, he will go on a 44 week training programme which he will earn £15,000 for and get two weeks leave, after that he will be permantly in the army and would get six weeks leave a year on £25,000.we have been discussing the idea of us getting married after his 44 week training and moving onto the army base together, by this time i would be almost 20 years old and do not plan on going to university after college anyway.my mum said she would support us even though we maybe young, his family would support us also.. i only worry that we maybe to young because thats what everyone else thinks, the army base is only one hour away from our home but i am worried about missing my family and being lonely while hes away maybe for 6 months at a time..we would be financlly able and i think our relationship would work because i dont know if i would want a long distance relationship, i love him but should i go with him? any advise would be great thanks..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 The right decision depends heavily on your own ability to tolerate time without him. Army relationships have obscenely high infidelity rates for that reason.
What I can do is tell you what to consider and what not to consider.
Don't consider the argument that you haven't known enough guys - there's no reason you have to date or sleep with multiple guys to find the right one. Don't worry about money beyond those required to meet your basic needs - as long as you're smart, you can build a life on that, especially if you get a job, too (and you really should, if he's going to be away and you won't be in school). Don't consider your age - waiting until you're 25 won't magically make you less likely to divorce, it's just that people who wait that long are generally better at making decisions (so, instead, consider whether you've ever made any decisions that have such a profound effect on your life, and how well you handled it back then).
Do consider your families - it's good that they support you, since you'll be spending a lot of time apart. Consider your relationship's history - if you fight about stupid things too often, or take too long to make up, or have a rough history with each other, it's only going to get worse. Consider his possible career advancements - if he goes for OCS, or gets a noncombat position, you would want to wait until he's established himself before you have kids (going that long married without kids would be tough on you, but worth it in the end, if you can delay gratification for at least that long).
Weigh the options carefully. Discuss it with him. I can't say what's best for you, because I don't know you. Just pay attention to the things I mentioned.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): .... I would. If you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him. I'm sure he'll get extra pay if you get married and you'll be able to spend time with him instead of having to wait for him to come for leave. But you have to be ready to leave your family and everyone you live around too. If your mum agrees to support you that is great too. This is a big decision and does need lots of thought and discussion between you two. I hope everything goes well.!
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