A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over 5 years now. We got together when we were both 18 and just started college. Things were great back then.. well maybe could be better but i couldnt be happier. We went out to the movies a lot and played video games together etc. We had our first kiss after a few months, we went through so many of our birthdays, christmases, etc. He is my bestest friend and makes me laugh no matter how down I am. We havent gone beyond maybe two or so arguments and that was only in the earlier years. In the later years and now we have never gotten angry with each other, we never fight. In fact, I used to see him about twice a week and then that changed to about twice a month now I see him around once a month or less because has started a fulltime job. We have never slept over each other's houses overnight (strict parents even though we're in our 20s), we have never had sex (only because i want to lose my virginity on my wedding night and he has never demanded it in any case. Also, we have done every sexual thing possible except for sex but I have never orgasmed), he has paid for my movie tickets or dinner maybe once or twice in all 5 years, he never surprises me with presents when i have bought him some before. People say we are strange. But I love him to bits, he's my other half. The other day i mentioned us moving out together and he was completely against the idea. This made we realise we have no future. So my question - what do I do? My friend is getting engaged as are many girls my age and it broke my heart because I know that's something that won't be happening with my boyfriend as we are on the road to nowhere. There is no future for us but there's no good reason to end it so what ive been doing for years is staying where I am, in the blissful present. Thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 That is entirely up to you. If you really feel you are unhappy with him, then its best to end it.
You are right, moving in together does allow you to get to know him even better, no suprises. I don't think you would get on each other's nerves the first day. When you first move in with a boyfriend (and Im only speaking from my experience), its exciting and new. After about 6 months or so, you can no longer turn a blind eye to things that you don't like about your partner. But thats where the "real" test of a relationship comes in. Communicating and compromising, understanding and repecting each other.
But you have to really think about how happy you are with him now before you decide to live together. And from what it sounds like, its not as great as you would like it to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesnt think we should live together because we would "get on each other's nerves after the first day" (which is something that has not happened for years). He is now making plans to move out with friends of his. Moving out and living together with my guy is something I'd definitely want to do before marriage. I mean no nasty surprises that way right? You'd be given the opportunity to know them inside out before getting into a marriage with them. Your first answer has sunken in to me Star_07 and I thought about it a lot and deep down I don't think I'm happy and I have fallen out of love along the way. I plan to end the relationship at the end of this year (too much going on at the moment with getting into my career etc and I don't want to blow it) Thanks again for your considerate replies.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (4 May 2008):
Did he say why he was against the idea of moving in together? The relationship will change a lot if you two lived together, thats when you really have to learn about compromise. I would talk to him about why he is against living together. There are good things and bad things about living together before getting married and thats something you and your boyfriend need to consider.
And dont think about how other people have moved in with their boyfriends in their late teens. My ex lived with me from 16 until I was 22 and that relationship was horrible. I live with my current boyfriend and its great but the problem is that he isnt thinking about marriage right now. It all depends on the situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to answer my question Star 07. I did mean move out now.. a lot of my friends back in the states have already done it when they were in their late teens. I feel as if my life has become more of a standstill lately. I believe at the moment we are both thinking of our careers but I was hoping that a few years down the track we might start a family but without his agreement about living together i believe that is just not possible. I look forward to becoming 30 in a few years time when things aren't so complicated.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (22 April 2008):
I think you need to clarify what was meant by "moving out together." Do you mean in the near future or are you talking a few years down the road? You both need to have the same goals for the relationship. Does he want to get married in the future? Start a family? Are you both thinking about careers? What kind of life do you want? Is it as blissful as you make it sound? You barely see each other, so of course you dont argue much. You seem to have a lot of complaints about the relationship yet you say its great? You should probably talk about the above questions with your boyfriend (where is your life and relationship going) and then you can answer whether or not you should stick around for another 5 years.
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