A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:"OPs Own Title" I'm 20 years old, and I was became ill a few months ago and was bed-ridden. I meet a boy completely by chance on a chat room site. I never intended on finding a companion, I was bored and wasting time. After speaking to him, we discovered that we had several things in common, so we connected on Facebook. After a few days of speaking, we became friends. I live in Canada, and the boy lives in England. He was in a relationship when we met, so I had no intention of manipulating him into being with me. I never thought I'd be one of those girls who fell in love with someone over the internet, but as weeks passed we both developed feelings for each other. We started to speak on Skype, so I'm positive that he is a "real 20 year old boy" and we've written letters, sent gifts, exchanged several pictures and videos, and I've spoken to his mother. After 4 months of talking, we started to date. (He broke it off with his girlfriend prior to our relationship starting, so no cheating). In a few days we will be celebrating our 1 month anniversary, and quite frankly he's been the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. We spend hours speaking, and he treats me very well. We are in the midst of planning a visit to meet, he'd like to come to Canada in a few months seeing as it's summer and I don't have school again till September.He's basically everything I've ever wanted in a boy. He's funny, he's sweet, he's kind, he's all around a beautiful young man. When we met he told me that he had been in trouble with the law before when he was younger (stupid mistakes, nothing major) and although it was a let down that he would get into that kind of situation, I was willing to let it go and forgive that part of his past. Something that I'm having a very hard time with however is his past relationships with women. I'm a virgin, and very proud of the choices that I've made, and I always told myself that I would be with a man that held the same values.The problem is that he's slept with 5 other woman, (and I'm sure multiple times with each) and it bothers me more than I thought it would. It upsets me to the point that I don't know if I can let go of it. I keep imagining situations that he's been in with other women, and to be honest it makes me sick. It hurts so much, and I want it to stop. I told him this, and he became so upset that he cried to me, telling me that it was his past and that I need to let it go because he wants to be with me, and only me.I know that it will take time to get over his past, but my question is concerning the value of what I'm upset with. I feel like maybe if I let him go, and I go about my days I will find another man, who can love me and I can love, and maybe he will have a more 'pleasant' past. There are so many people in the world, I know I will find another.. but it's this boy that I love. So is it worth the pain and the thoughts? Will they go away, or will he have to go away?Thank you, and sorry for the lengthy post.
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anniversary, chat room, facebook, fell in love, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I think you are 100% right to be bothered by this. It's important to you and that's all that matters.
Maybe he can't change his past now, but so what? A guy born physically unattractive to you can't change that either, and everyone still thinks it is understandable for you to turn him down over it. At least our own sexual history is something we all have complete control over. We "judge people" for less fair things than this all the time.
Having sex is one of the most personal & revealing things we can ever do in life. It's not trivial. The meaning of it does not expire after XXX number of days. Neither do the potential risks involved. Different people have different values.
A
female
reader, Liza999 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 You have to stop torturing yourself with this! How would it feel to you if he did not like something or the person you were in your past? You chose to be a virgin but he did not chose that for himself but what he is choosing now is to love you! and to give you who he is right now! The choice is yours... can you love him for who he is today? And maybe the choices he made you do not agree with but they also helped form his personality by finding out who he likes what he doesn't and brought him to you in this moment! Bless this relationship find the wonderful things about it look for them not the things that make you upset!
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