A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in need of some help. I'm a gay female. I've been with my gf for a year and a half. It's not always been easy. She suffers from depression and I know that plays a huge role in this issue. Basically my struggle is that I never know what woman to expect to show up at any given day. It seems like one week, she's the most loving person and the best girlfriend I could hope for. During these times, I count my blessings for being with her. The next week, she seems completely detached and as though she couldn't care less if I fell off the edge of the earth. During these times, she hardly carries on any conversation and when we do, she just sounds so blah. Anything I say, she just has absolutely no enthusiasm about. She sounds half dead. During these times, she also never wants to see me or do anything. She doesn't leave her house. I feel like I pretty much don't have a gf when this happens. And just when I start to feel really low, low and behold - she snaps out of it and becomes my loving gf again.Over time, I've learned how to cope with her changes in mood better than when when we originally began dating. At first, I didn't know about her depression. So I just always assumed I was at fault and her being distant was something I'd done. I thought she was unhappy with me. After I learned about her depression, and we discussed it in full, I discovered that it most of the time was this that was causing the mood and behavior changes and it was completely unrelated to me. However, knowing that doesn't always make it easier. In fact, it's still really hard, just in a different way. Now I have to separate myself from her and learn to not take it personally. That's a whole different challenge. And still, despite all that I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, when my gf isolates and acts distant, I still have to wonder - is it her depression or is it me? what if this one time, it's me, and I don't realize it? I'm struggling. I'm starting to wonder if I can keep this up. I feel like I'm breaking at the seams. I want a full-time gf. Not one who is only able to love me and be who I need half the time. I don't always know how to deal when she isolates and is disinterested in the world. I mean, I KNOW how to deal - I focus on myself and keep myself occupied - but I don't know how much longer I can continue. It all hit me at once just how hard this truly is for me. I'm sad a lot. And I'm not a sad person. But the problem is that when we are good, she's the love of my life. I've never loved another person the way I love her. She feels like the person I'm meant to be with. But if that's the case, how can it feel so painful and hard other times?Has anyone ever been able to relate to this? I just need advice on how to cope. Or on how to better not let her depression drag me down, too. Thanks guys. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 Well you know yourself that the problem here is her depression. Depression is an illness and it is hard to live with it not only for her but also for you as well. If you can both keep talking openly about it and if you tell her how you are feeling and ask her to do the same it will make you both stronger. Is there any support groups in your area on how to deal with depression? You should research in to it as you need support and reassurance as well. Also is she doing anything to help herself? Is she talking to anyone or taking anything to help her with this?
Talking to someone might help you a great deal. I suggest seeing a counsellor if there are no support groups and they can guide you on how to protect yourself and your girlfriend through the hard times. I wish you all the best.
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