A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can someone tell me how to get over my insecurities about being played.I have just entered a relationship with a guy I've been nuts about for a long time.He says he has about me too.The relationship has been going to happen for a while, and has been building up with great chemistry.It's very intense between us and he is telling me how beautiful I am, he has trong feelings for me, thinks I'm fantastic, etc. It all feels right when he says these things, but he also watches other women, and also touches them intimately when he thinks I'm not around.I have been deeply hurt in the past by a womaniser, and I can't shake off the feeling that I am about to go throught the same thing again.I'm trying to convince myself that I haven't seen this happening, but really I know I have. He says he just messes around with the others for a giggle, but he and I got together resulting from the same actions toward me in the first place.It really is making me afraid to be intimate with him, in case he moves on afterwards to his 'next conquest'He has calmed it down since I mentioned it, but that doesn't help how I feel when we are not together.He is in contact with me at every opportunity, I have ongoing compliments all the time, but because of my past experience I am holding myself back and doubting him all the time.Am I over analysing this or should I go with how I feel and lose the chance of what may be the love of my life?Any insights would be great,thanks.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I've seen men like this in action before, flirting, touching other women, thinking they are gods gift etc. He needs to calm it down a bit because he will end up alone. These women may be feeling sorry for you whilst they are all having a laugh with the touchy feely man. If he truly wants to be with you then you must put your foot down and tell him to grow up, calm it down, and stop touching other women. If he can't then let him go because he won't make you happy.
A
male
reader, als77  +, writes (7 January 2011):
If you are very insecure and very wounded, then I guess you should not try to make sure he is not a "bad boy". There are of course no guarantees in love, but some people treat people with great respect and will go the extra mile to lessen the blow, while some treat people with no respect and don't care if you become emotionally crippled (I have friends of both types...).
If you have common friends with this man, then I guess you can try to learn about his past. That is: try to learn how he has treated his ex's. If he has treated them with respect (during the break-up...), then this can give some security. But if you learn that he has treated them with disrespect, then this will make it even harder for you (and maybe this also will not be completely fair towards him since there are exemples (not many?) that players have become loyal and faithful when they have found "the one").
However, I don't like this advice since I (partially) am asking you to distrust him and "go behind his back" (and this is not a good thing to do)
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