A
female
age
30-35,
*lackHeart07
writes:I was in this crazy abusive relationship with my ex when I was 17 (I’m 20 now). He used to hit me so hard that I black out. He left bruises and cuts all over me. He hated it when I would talk to or look at other boys and that cause half of my beatings. Even if I glanced at a guy for maybe two seconds, he would go ballistic. I was completely terrified of him and really tried to not make any mistakes but he would always find a reason to hurt me.Then once he took it too far. He got mad because I talked to my male cousin and thought I cheating on him with my cousin (I know it was really messed up and also he didn’t knew my family that well). We were in a playground close to where I lived at night. He got so angry with me he pulled me by my hair and banged my head very hard against a swing pole, knocking me out. When I woke up I was left alone at the park and I had minor head concussion. That’s when I realized I needed to get out while I still could. When I got home I just had a total meltdown and I told my mom everything that he did to me. We pressed charges and he’s now serving a ten-year sentence. I lost trust in men and I avoided them for the longest time. Not wanting anything to do with them. I feared if I got too close it would happen again. I'm slowly able to trust again but I think still have a long to go. Then I met my current boyfriend (he’s 23), we been together for four months now. He seems better but I can't over what happen and I never want go through what I did ever again. He sort of knows what I suffered through but I never really sat down with him and told him everything because of I don’t want scare him making him I’m stupid. Any thoughts? Also if I didn’t cover something that help feel to ask me
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Good for you. Many women are afraid to do what you did and press charges. That's very courageous and noble of you. Hopefully he will learn to control his rage one day.
A
female
reader, BlackHeart07 +, writes (2 October 2013):
BlackHeart07 is verified as being by the original poster of the question llifton- I dont feel bad I called my ex worst names myself. That's I pressed charges so he be able to hurt someone again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Moderator note: I left in the word you wrote, which was "sacred" however I think you may have meant scared? Or scarred? It is in the first paragraph. It was not clear. Could you clarify please? All that is below the line was written by the poster as is.===== =========================== ============================Wow you have been through so much at such a young age. And can completely understand what you don't trust men. You have probably heard thing a hundred times but all men are not the same. I was sexually abused at a very young age and I grown up having a view that all I was good for was sex but I was too sacred to act on it because the same reason I felt that way.. Men. I got to 19 and saw all the people I knew have real relationships with people that did not hurt them. I made the decision to take the plunge, so to speck and found a guy who I am still with 4 years later and am I'm now pregnant with my second child.So their are good guys outs there. You was strong enough to leave a horrid relationship you will be strong enough to get past this. If you are close to you BF. Sit him down and tell him everything.. Tell him you don't want it to change you relationship with him or the way he looks atyou but you need time to be able build trust and that it will take a while. If anything it will make him more understanding. Xx
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2013):
wow sweetheart, i'm so very sorry for all of the things you've had to experience and endure. with all of the details you gave (and assuming there's many more you didn't mention), it's no wonder you're extremely timid of men and dating. the one thing i can say i'm extremely thankful for is that this piece of shit (excuse my language) is serving time for what he did to you.
whether or not you choose to disclose this information to your boyfriend is, of course, totally up to you. however, one little bit of advice from a very similar experience i've had may be helpful to you.
my girlfriend suffered abuse for many, many years from her family. she has been in therapy for years, and she chose not to tell me about any of this for the first six months of our relationship (which was absolutely her right), and that actually wound up almost breaking us up because she would have certain responses to things i'd say or do that didn't make sense to me. her keeping me in the dark about why she reacted certain ways almost caused the complete demise of us. but once she told me everything that was going on and what had happened to her, it suddenly made complete sense and i responded to her in a completely different way. we never had problems since that day and a lot of the problem was because she didn't let me in on what all was going on in her life.
anyway, that being said, i'm in no way suggesting you should tell your boyfriend. that's completely up to you. but i highly doubt your boyfriend would ever think you're stupid if you told him what you're going through/went through and what your fears are. if anything, it will probably help him to understand you and know how to better make you feel comfortable. i know it did for me. if you're anything like my girlfriend, you believe it's for the best to not tell your partner because it's keeping them from having to deal with all of your issues. when in reality, it's not like that at all.
the main thing for you to keep in mind while you're learning to cope with and work through all of this is that you must move slowly. take this relationship at a very mild pace and one day at a time. eventually, you WILL get to a better place. but that will come through consistent reinforcement over and over that what you went through then is NOT what you're going to go through now.
once again, i'm sorry you dealt with all of that. best of luck to you, dear.
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