A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now. We are ok – meaning, we talked about moving in together after my lease expire; Him buying me an engagement ring; He helps me pay my rent every month; I have access to his phone and I have keys to his house. I have been to his job and was introduced to his boss and few friends as girlfriend. I met his parents and his sisters during our cruise as well. *******However****This is my dilemma. He still kept contact with his ex-gf, who, apparently still has feelings for him. And I will tell you why. She continuous to send selfie photos of her from time to time. For you to better understand my insecurities, I need to tell you the whole story. Before he became my boyfriend of 9 months straight, I went through a lot of drama with him because of his ex-gf.In March 2015, they broke up but still friendly to each other because they were in relationship for 6 years (I understand that). They still go out have dinner and stroll in malls. In December 2015, I met him and started dating him. As soon as she heard he was dating me, she would not stop calling him and asked him to give her a ride because she was stuck in snow at home. And that she needed to go to the gym because she’s bored. I let that happen because I only knew him for a month. On Valentine’s day 2016, I received a text from his cellphone telling me they will try again because they spent 6 years together (She sent this text but used his phone). Since I only knew him for more than a month, I texted back “ I wish you the best”. In June, it didn’t work out and they split. He called me to have lunch and I did show up –talked about things. He moved 25 miles away from his ex-gf so he will start to move on. I helped him moved. In July 2016, she started going to his house uninvited. Showed up at the gym when she knows he was there. They got back together for second time around. Checked his phone and sent a nasty text to me. I did reply and say “hope this time will work out”. It didn’t! They split again in October and not talked for 4-5 months. He reached out to me in November 2016 but at that time I was most definitely not interested in him. But to make a story short, I went with him on a cruise with his family. Since then, we have been serious to each other. But he still kept communications with his ex-gf and still be friends. Because he said, she doesn’t really have friends. I understand they needed to keep in touch because a snail mail that belongs to him was sent to her house and vice versa. But for her to randomly send selfies/photos of her to his phone is definitely inappropriate (I just saw one sent two days ago.). Plus, there are times she called him and asked him if we are still together. Who does that? When she send him pic, he doesn’t say anything or compliment the pics. I know in my heart, and he told me too, he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. I told him, it bothers me. He said he just feel sorry for her because he is the only one that really very close to her at one time and no friends. Please advise.!Should I break up with him?
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broke up, got back together, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 His excuse is not a great one, he still has feelings for her so he is keeping her their as a friend and also in case it doesn't work out between you both. Look this man has left YOU for this WOMAN twice now and he continues to talk to her, it sounds like he has no respect for you at all. I would talk to him and say to him its her friendship or your relationship. He cannot have both off you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had serious conversation with him yesterday. And he assure me that there is no feelings left for his ex. And I believe him. He said "he wants me and not her". He sees our relationship to be forever!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): If he loves you he will stop.all contact ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. His alibi was they didn't break up in bad terms - that's why they stay friends.. They are two mature people - they realized they want different things. Do you believe that?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2017):
 I don't know why you put yourself through this?
He keeps going back to her out of pity? And when it doesn't work out with her he goes back to you.
You are dating a yo-yo not a future partner.
How many times is it going to take before you realize that this is going nowhere? At least not going in the direction of having a solid relationship with a future.
He KEEPS her around for a reason. Now he may say it's because he feels sorry for her, but then WHY does he keep dating you, then her, then you, then her? Does he feel sorry for you too?
Personally, at your age, I would feel WAY too old for this teenage dating shenanigan (no offense to teens). If I wanted a LONG term healthy relationship HE isn't it.
You aren't going to have a settle down with him, get married or those kinds of things. WHAT if you move in with him when your lease is up, and he decides to go back to her? then you will be homeless having to look for something.
It just doesn't sound like it's really working. While there are positive things going on, there are a LOT of red flags as well.
I think you are wasting your time on a guy who doesn't know what he wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I know. And I communicated this to him. However, he said that he stays friend with her because it wasn't a bad break-up. They are mature and realize that they can never have a romantic relationship because they want different things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): Wow. I give you kudos for even allowing this to go on for this long. An ex as friend is never a good idea. Keep in mind there was a lot of love there at one point in his life. It's very clear he still has feelings for her since he left you twice for her. The fact that you've even accepted that already puts him in a mind state that's it's okay for him to keep in touch with an ex. You need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that being in touch with the ex is no longer an option. If he wants to have a serious long term relationship with you then he needs to end the relationship with HER or you will never be happy.
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