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female
,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend, never wants to be in control when we are having sex. We've been together for a year. We only have sex when i get on top. I'm sick of it. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): i had the same problem, with my bf a year and we only had sex if i started things-the less he had to move the better. so i out-lazied him, got him horny with my hand while lying besde him and no matter how obvious he was about wanting me to move on top i just lay there, when he started putting more effort onto sex we both enjoyed it more. then i had to sort out the fact that i was the only person initiating so i got sexy underwear and would walk up and give him a kiss but not touch him, the first few times he expected me to do more so we didnt have sex but he started using his hands and its 50-50 now as it should be.i felt very rejected by my bf's lack of effort and feel much more special now-even tho he prob doesnt even know what happened.i know it sounds like playing games but some men just have no idea and think "nag nag nag" when you try to talk to them about emotion, not because they're bad bf's but cos they dont understand or feel like they're being blamed.manipulation is what it is i guess but it worked for me and we'r much happier with this frusration sorted.try talking too but try not to get mad-if he doesnt know there's a problem he wont know where this anger came from and mainly--- he cant fix it if he's unaware of your feeling.good luck!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): you should make him feel like hes in control and then he might feel like trying hardder and you might enjoy it as well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): Have you talked to him about this? What about couple's counselling?
If you are having a hard time with intamacies this usually indicates a breakdown in communication.
Going to a couple's couserlor will also provide a mediator who can keep you both focused and draw out your passive partner.
What is his sexual history like?
Ever thought to tell him to do something as you change position? Like if you lay on your stomach...instruct him what you want done?
Still say a counselor will be better able to help you both.
Good Luck.
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