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male
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anonymous
writes: I met this girl 5 months ago out of coincidence and we started dating straight away. The more i got to know her the more i liked her. ANd as each day went by we fell in love with each other more and more and everything had been perfect. In such a short period of time we became really close to each other. We had the usual ups and downs of a relationship but we always stuck together and got through it. I have always shown her in one way or another how much i love her and how much she means to me, and i know she loves me to because she has always hown her appreciation and love and care.Recently we got into an argument where i got abit upset and angry and i ended up throwing abit of a tantrum. She was afraid that i was going to hit her, or physically do something to hurt her. But thats not me. I would never lay a finger on anybody let alone the person that i love. But ever since she has asked for some time apart, She said she needs some space and time away from me. I have given her that becasue i am prepared to do anything to make this relationship work. Its been nearly 2 weeks and everytime i try and speak to her she just says to me that she is scared that everytime she either does or says something wrong i will lash out at her.The truth is i am really incomplete without her. Its been over 2 weeks that things just havent been the same and i really miss her loads. I want her to trust me that i will never do anything to hurt her. And i know deep down she knows that but she doesnt seem too interested at the moment. I met her today (saturday 2nd Sept) to try and work things out, but she isnt interested in anything that i have to say to her. SHe is just stuck at that one point that she doesnt want to live her life assuming that she isnt allowed to make a wrong move and if she does then im going to be jumping on her.What am i supposed to do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): i'm not sure if i believe that you just threw a "tantrum" or not. i find it hard to grasp that she'd just drop you like that if you simply behaved like an angry child. she obviously saw something in your behavior that she was afraid of, and therefore, wanted out. i would say, rather than blame her or insist that you didn't do anything really wrong, evaluate what you did. maybe if you think really hard, you'll be able to understand why she ran away from you. you're the only one who knows whether or not you have the capabilities to hit someone, and so if you think that even in the slightest way it could be possible, i would say get help NOW. because that will be a problem that carries on for the rest of your life. and also, judging by how quickly you said your relationship moved, that seems like the first sign of abuse. not to sound over-bearing, but it's true. anyway, please, for your sake and the sake of other relationships down the road, evaluate yourself hard.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): Wow...nice how you downplayed your rage as "a bit of a tantrum". You FREAKED OUT. You went into a rage and THAT is why she is scared of you and can not trust you.
Get some anger management as well as individual counselling to address why your Mom/Dad went into rages and therefore taught you this behaviour. Nip this passing down of behaviour in the bud and seek counseling ASAP.
No woman likes a man who can be controlled by his anger/rage/hurt as this indicates an abusive man.
THAT WHOLE "says or does something wrong i will lash out at her" is VERY REVEALING.
DUDE YOU ARE A CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE MAN.
That you say that ONE statement...it's not the only thing that is keeping her away. Somewhere along the line you "slipped" up and began your emotional manipulation and that with the "episode" is enough for her to STAY THE HELL away from you.
Get anger management and counselling.
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