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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Theres this guy, we've been friends online for about two years, it recently come to light that he's been thinking about me 'like that' and so we started talking about it... in the space of two months its moved insanely fast. We think about each other constantly, even when not in contact with each other. He's thinking about leaving his girlfriend and his parents and coming to live near me. I do like him, I like him a lot. but I also have a boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't make me feel the way he does, he shouts at me a lot and argues with me when I do little things wrong, he threatens that if I ever left him he would kill himself and not be able to ever let me go, My boyfriend also doesn't seem to be physically attracted to me at all. But I know my boyfriend loves me, he talks about marrying me and living together, but since this has happened I've got a whirlwind of emotions inside of me. yes I want this guy, I like him so much, my heart skips a beat when I see him log in. I'm worried that he might be using me as an escape from an unhappy relationship, but we have so much in common, we are both feeling the same confusion over this and neither of us knows what to do. He is 11 years older than me. I don't know if I should leave my boyfriend and take a risk on an exciting yet dangerous whirlwind romance that could either sink or swim, or stay with a man I know will provide a certain and safe future for me and loves me and needs me but doesn't provide everything I need in a relationship. I wish I could talk to someone about this but no one would understand. I could use some golden advice. I'm scared to death over the way I feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): he doesnt exactlly threaten he just says 'if you ever left I would probably eat a bullet, I couldnt live without you' and yes it makes me uncomfortable. but I also love him, he was my first. I have thought of leaving him, but I dont know if i should sacrifice my future with him for the way I feel with my friend. We have been good friends for about 2 years it's not just some random guy who gave me attention. I'm 21 I am not a fool hardy love sick teen. I have plenty of online admirers but every time they say they want to meet with me I say no and that I would never cheat on my BF. So why i feel so different about this particular friend, I'm not just looking for an escape and projecting my desires onto someone. Thanks for your advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): In my opinion even without the passionate guy in your life, the relationship you are in now is not healthy. You should not be with someone who is going to threaten suicide if you leave them. I personally can not stand it when people do that because it is just to make you feel bad. Why would you want to be with someone who is intentionally making you feel bad?He is obviously not secure enough in himself or your relationship to believe it is true or he would not threaten that. This other relationship might not work out and OK if it does not. You will never know if you do not try, you will always wonder. I do not believe you are truly happy in the relationship you are currently in or you would not even be considering this. You would be happy and content as is. If you are getting yelled at for little things and feeling shut out now then why would you want to continue to be with him? This is how your relationship will be if it is like that already. You are already feeling like things are missing in your relationship. Neither one of these guys may be the right guy for you but I think you already know your boyfriend is definitely not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): To start with I would think of ending things with your current boyfriend. He doesn't sound very nice, even though he says he loves you. You are quite young, so why stay with someone who is not 100% right for you. As for your online relationship. It may be lovely but at the moment it only exists in your heads. You can't know if you would really get on in reality until you have a chance to meet up - so it is all a bit of a fantasy. I think you are putting so much emotional input into this because of the failings with your current boyfriend.
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