A
female
age
41-50,
*ward62
writes:I am so confused my partner just goes out and say's he is going to do something that really should take a fraction of the time it takes him. I am 6 months pregnant we haven't made love in an age he make no attempt to do so. I have asked to stop drinking everyday and he hasn't and all I can think is that he must be really unhappy with me. He makes food for himself and doesn't offer me anything when I cook I always ask him if he would like something. All my alarm bells are ringing yet I make so many allowences that my own I am doubting myself. Any advicce please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, vward62 +, writes (13 December 2010):
vward62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Abella for such a good answer. You are right about famiy and friend's support. I am close to my Mum and Sisters so I am lucky and they are fantastic to have around both physically and emotionally. My best friend is good too and I will be joining a Mother and Baby group which she also suggested.
I have had a serious talk to him and let him know how I am feeling. I felt he listened. I am going for Dinner with friends and hope to finish the conversation once he has had time to think.
Thanks again
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 The advice from Perch was great. It is worrying that your man is being so selfish and irresponsible. Potentially abusive in the light of his selfishness and lack of concern for you and the baby.
You will be much more tired for a while, after the baby arrives. (i felt like a clock winding down to zero, the way exhaustion hits one, a few days after baby born is a real shock) Doctor explained the tiredness is the change in hormones after baby delivered, but it's a shock to new 1st time Mums.
Are there local places, groups, volunteer or government agencies that support new mothers? I am sure your country would have such things in place. Also is there any chance the two of you could attend counselling? Not because of your actions, but because i think confronting him alone, on your own, about his actions, may be too much to expect of you. He should be bringing you breakfast in bed, not be drinking and causing upsets. You need support, understanding and consideration.
Plus your man will get a major shock after baby arrives - babies cry whether it's 4am, 10pm or noon. They have pressing needs that must be attended to. You should not be expected to do it all.
Can you ask your family for some emotional support in the light of how little your man is offering?
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A
female
reader, vward62 +, writes (13 December 2010):
vward62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You Perch for your advice, it has been a really good response to read this morning and sound advice.
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A
female
reader, perch +, writes (13 December 2010):
Pregnancy is a time in your life that needs to be enjoyed. Its a time when you're most venerable and need a stable loving partner to be there along your side. Unfortunately, life is not a fairy tale and finding a prince can be tough. You're not the problem in this relationship. He needs to grow up and realize he's going to be a father whether he likes it or not. A baby doesn't need a drunk for sa father. He/she needs a loving father in his/her life. Your child isn't the only one who needs loving. You do as well! Sometimes you have to take charge to get things across to your partner. My advice would be to first of all confront him on everything you just talked about. Simply say that you're not feeling loved by him in a time in your life you should have it most. Speak with him about everything you have on your chest. You and everyone else in this world deserve to be treated right. If your partner loves you he will open his eyes after you have this talk with him. Try to stay calm when you do. If he can't change his ways then you have two choices, remain with him and possibly live life feeling unhappy or leave him. The choice can be tough then. Just remember that you're so much stronger than you realize and that life is too short to settle for less than what you deserve. Regardless of whether you're pregnant or not. I had to leave my babies father when I was pregnant. It will be hard if things come to it but just remember that you can get through it. I hope things do not come to that. I really hope he opens his eyes to the problems he has created and comes through for you. Good luck and best wishes!
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