A
male
age
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*m1962
writes:I need help feeling secure, or am I fooling myself?Being unemployed had been placing a strain on my relationship of 7 months. Just before X-mas I was told by my partner that he felt that he was putting in all the effort for us and that he couldn't do it much longer. I promised that I'm doing everything I can and expressed appreciation for his patience. I'm happy to say that I've just secured employment. Though NOW my partner is missing in action, I suspect with his EX.---------------------------------------------------The trouble started at Christmas Dinner. My brother (my bro is homophobic) made my other feel so uncomfortable that he had to leave. The why, I did not know until afterwards - it was a big downer and we both cried. He and I have had precious little time together due to my job-search and temp work and we were finally enjoying such a good visit and dinner with one another. Over NewYears I had to work, my partner to his family's out of town - fine. Last weekend I found out that my partner was -not- with his family, but with his EX on NewYears (I think due to the bad taste from Xmas dinner). He broke it to me by inviting me to a 3-way with him and his ex. I could not perform, since I was confused - it was a bit of a mess, but out of it I love and trust my partner more, I told him. WHY? I was assuming that he was dumping me at first, but he was trying to say:"sorry - here - this is the person that I was with", which I greatly admire, and he forgave me for not being able to perform....a nightmare but there was every indication that we're still OK.4 days later, my partner is now 2 days missing in action, and I fear the worst. We should have talked more, would have talked more given time - but this was so recent (a few days ago). Does it seem too late to talk? I'm trying to hold on, was not told that I'm dumped, but seriously confused.I'm asking for any insight here, as I feel that I can trust my partner, but definitely not his EX, and I want to keep the feeling that we're secure. The MIA has me dumbfounded and grasping at straws.I've already left him several messages and don't want to belabour the issue further. I've said that I care, don't know what's up, miss our daily touchbase and wish we'd talked more before he went out again.Thanks in advance for insights, opinions and gut-feelings.
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male
reader, mm1962 +, writes (21 January 2010):
mm1962 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnderstand that gay men, in general, are predisposed to promiscuity. It's important enough to me that he's been completely loyal up till the stressful and heartbreaking Christmas, and that he apologizes for it.
A
male
reader, mm1962 +, writes (21 January 2010):
mm1962 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAunty BimBim, yes yes and yes.
I'm horrified as well. Regardless, to me this is something to deal with and to move past in the interest of our continued partnership.
LOL it's no wonder that I couldn't perform, isn't it?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 I'm sorry, but are you saying that the way he told you he was cheating on you with his ex was to invite you join them both in a sexual encounter, and you are feeling bad because you couldn't perform?
And despite the above you feel you can trust him, but not his ex partner? And despite his spending New Years Eve with his ex and inviting you to join them in sex you still feel secure?
I'm sorry, I just don't understand, if the above is true I am horrified, he doesnt care for you, he isnt showing you love or respect, take a minute and think about if this is really what you want, and ask yourself how long you will be prepared to be treated like this.
My gut feeling, and first instinct is to tell you to run away, far and fast!
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A
male
reader, mm1962 +, writes (21 January 2010):
mm1962 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncorrection he's only 1-1/2 days missing, unlike him to not even call unless he's "out of town"
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A
male
reader, mm1962 +, writes (21 January 2010):
mm1962 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was unemployed - doing temp/low-wage shift work on and off for 3 months.
I've been told by others to watch out for his ex, that he's not a good man. I'm not judging and will avoid pointing finger - just an FYI, perhaps there is meddling.
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