A
female
age
41-50,
*harley 647
writes:I feel im in a real dilema. I just really dont know what to do for the best. My partner i have been with now for over 2 years told me after about a year of being with him that wearing womens clothes is something he has always wanted to do from a young age. Ive been trying for nearly a year to get my head around it, understand what it means etc. The point i am at now is, i understand exactly how he feels. Its a gender confusion, sometimes he feels he is female and not male so feels he needs to dress and act as a women. He has never had a problem with his genitals these do not feel wrong, but sometimes fantasises that he has breasts. He has said most mornings not all but most sometimes more than others he will first awake in the morning, and feel and think he is female. Then throughout the day, he will get urges, sometimes stronger than others where he feels he needs to dress as a women. I have asked him does he feel he is trapped in the wrong body. He has said, sometimes he feels he is wrong and feels he is female. But like i said never in the genital region. He said sometimes he is happy as a man then sometimes not. It flutuates some weeks more than others. He said he would not wish these feelings on anyone in the world. He understands i need to be with a man, but i have tried to support him in this and i have said, okay, once a month, because i dont want to see it regularly as it could affect our relationship, once a month to dress and treat it as a bit of fun. We have done this. I didnt like seeing him like it i must admit, but, i tried to think beyond the clothes, and think of the person he is. I think the fact he changes his manerisms to be female does not help me like it. I have asked will he be happy at this once a month, he has admitted that, he does get these feelings everyday and will want to do this more, but he will have ton respect my wishes and control the urges until that time of once a month.But im wondering, is it really as straight forward as this?? Am i trying to make a relationship work that just is impossible?? He is a great person in everyway, but this... why does he have to be this way? Hes a man! I dont know whether im doing the right thing staying with him, im so worried for the future, im 32 yrs old now, and definatley want children. I dont want to be wating much longer, but, can you spend your life with someone like this?? Is there anybody that understands this subject that could give me some advice? For some reason, it seems when he is dressed intermacy is important to him too, and he would love to get down to it, i have said no, when he is dressed we will treat this just as friends. I wish i could no what to do for the best, if there is anyone that understands this and knows about the subject could you please put forward your opinion. Many Thanks. Need some help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): HI THIS IS CHARLEY AGAIN. I HAVE FORGOT MY LOGIN SO HAD TO JUST VIEW THE HOME PAGE TO FIND MY ORIGNAL POST.
Yes this is the thing i do love him dearly. Ive had so many bad realtionships, men that have treated me badly, gone with other women etc. With him, i know he would never do that to me. He treats me well, we have alot in common and everything else is there, other than this thing with the dressing. I dont like it, im trying my hardest to be okay with it. This is where i have thought, if he only did it every now and again, then i could live with it. And if he maybe met some other people the same as him and he went out maybe once a month like it. Do you think this could work? Or am i wishful thinking? I do love him, this is why i just dont know what to do. I would be devasted and heart broken to end the relationship. As im typing this now, my heart is racing, because of the answers i have received saying we should just be friends. I want to hear things will be okay, but this is it, im just not sure. And yeah, could it end up where he wants to be this way permanently theres this worry. But if he thinks enough of me, then maybe he would never do that to me. But i dont know if this comes into it, how much you think of someone. He has said he doesnt feel uncomfortable as male all the time, so that i think is a possative. Why do i not know what to do for the best? For me, if he dressed every now and again, maybe once a week whilst im out, once a month with me, id make him up and treat it as a bit of fun, and then every now and again he went out with others. I think i could accept it to that extent. Ive thought long and hard about it, but, will that never be enough do you think?
A
male
reader, MugenTj  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Stay with him, sure, as a friend, because you don't like him that way. You are just compromising yourself and I don't feel like you like him enough to accept him completely.
On the other hand, I suspect that he always wants to be a woman. But he just play it off like that way to get you to accept you slowly. I'm not an expert on this condition, but in general a person's identity is made of the physical (chemical) and the mental (societal) aspects, and they feed off each other. In the case of a gay female friend of mine, she's obviously has a woman body but wants to have a male body. It's always been like that. Your man can be in between, it's possible. But knowing the possibilities, the real question still can accept him for who he is. The best thing to do is talk about it with him by encouraging him to come forth truthfully and drawing your boundary as you see fit.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 July 2011):
 I don't have much experience on this subject but I'll try if you allow. Do you accept his behavior or have you just learned to tolerate it? It seems like this isn't something that settles with you and you need to tell your boyfriend.
Of course there's a possibility that he might not like what you have to say, but you're in this relationship too and he needs to know how you feel. So talk to him. Sorry to ask these questions, but they might help you figure out if you're doing the right thing. Are you in love with this guy? Would you ever marry this guy? If you two decide to have kids, will you be comfortable with your kids knowing/seeing how he likes to express himself? Think about these and be honest with yourself. He can't help who he is, but can you learn to embrace it? If this is something that you don't think you can put up with, then maybe he isn't the one for you. But if you can, then talk to him about it and maybe go through some counseling together to talk about this and support each other. Hope I helped, if at all.
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