A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It being less than month since I moved in with my boyfriend and I’m thinking I’ve done the wrong thing. Last week, he blurted out in an argument that he had invited his friend over to stay for the night whilst I’m away working. I have never met her before and she lives with someone and him and her have been friends for about three years. He’s always messaging her and I don’t have a problem with that but I told him I was not happy that she was coming over to stay while I was away working. He has said that I am being unreasonable and why I have a problem with it. I said I would have preferred to meet her while I was at home and where was she was going to sleep and he said she could sleep in our bed and he would sleep on the sofa. I do trust him but I’m not happy about this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2022): Personally I wouldnt be happy either if my wife/partner/spouse etc told me a male friend was staying over while I was away even if the friendship was purely platonic ,why dont he have a male friend over ??????
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 November 2022):
 You have a gut instinct to protect you. Trust it. Your gut is telling you this is not right.
If I were in your shoes, I would give serious consideration to dating this guy, let alone living with him.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (3 November 2022):
 Whew not good. Dont think living with him is a good idea. Maybe even dating him. He is not 100% sneaky but he isnt trustworthy either. Wow..wonder how he would feel if you did what he wants to do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2022): As a CPN I totally agree with all aunts n uncles posts . My only input is I would definitely be moving out but I would prior sit down and get to the bottom of whats going on here . If only for closure for myself. I would show him the post you made and the answers/advice you've received just to see his reaction. Move back in with your parents/family it is not your fault . You deserve better .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2022): If you and your boyfriend are both over 30, there are given rules within relationships he should be mature enough to know. You shouldn't have to school him or spell it out for him.
How would he feel if you had a guy he never met spending the night with you while he was away?
Trust is not blindly bestowed upon people. It is earned, and gradually rewarded, as we prove ourselves trustworthy. You don't move-in together, until your relationship is secure and well-established. Not until you have worked-out most of your misunderstandings, and you respect each-other enough to be honest with each-other. You must value trust as much as the air you breathe; because love can't be sustained without it.
Your boyfriend apparently knew beforehand you wouldn't approve of him having a women you've never met having a sleepover while you were away. He insults your intelligence by gaslighting you like you have no right to be upset about such a thing; when his credibility is shot, because he didn't tell you about it beforehand. He weaponized the news by blurting it out during an argument.
I would have had my bags packed and out of there by the next day; but that's just me. It would not only be a betrayal of trust, but a matter of disrespect. Anybody over the age of 30, knows this was not appropriate. You've never met her! It will always dog your mind what went on while you were gone?
Here's where I personally stand about "wedges" that stand between me and my romantic-partner. My friends must know their places and respect my partner, my partner must know who my friends and family are. I will not have people my partner doesn't know spending the night at my house, and not let my partner know that I'll be having a guest; and who that guest will be. I would expect no less from my partner, if that partner wants to be loved and trusted.
I've made it a point that I won't accept threesomes, tolerate love-triangles, or participate in soap opera drama. My friends know their place, my partner's friends know theirs. I will leave if I feel a "friendship" is competing with my romantic-relationship. I expect my partner to have it all under control without having to be asked. I'm cut and dry about that. No ifs, ands, or buts! My relationships are healthy, and they last. I lost one to cancer. The other is still going strong; because I won't suffer drama, or put-up with a mess. I don't have trust issues, I just have an aversion to drama.
Let him know where you stand, and expect him to respect and honor your trust.
If you feel you have to compete with another woman for your man; you're in a threesome without your permission. It's up to you if you want to put-up with it. Don't blame him, if you wish to stay in spite of all this.
You can't tell him what to do, but you can control what you do; and who you want to be committed to!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 November 2022):
 If you have only been living together for a month and your already questioning if you have done the right thing is not a good sign.
Ok it's good that you trust him, trust is an important key in a relationship. But I think that having a female to stay over while you are away is not on, and disrespectful to you.
How would he feel if he was away and you had a guy spend the night with you, in the place you have only had for a month?. well my guess is he would not be happy about it and put his foot down i would think.
I don't think you are being unreasonable like he says, far from it. I could not imagine anyone being happy with this to be honest.
You have told him your not happy about this, you have expressed your concern, but it would seem he is not going to take your worries and concerns on board and still keep having her over.
If this is the case, it's really down to you where you go from here.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 November 2022):
 Oh, it WAS a mistake to move in with him!!
Time to move right back out. And end this.
He has sleepovers with another woman while you are at work?
Why would SHE come to have a sleepover at a friend's house? She is a GROWN aSS woman! Unless there is interest from her end.
This would be a total no-go for me. Absolutely nope.
And you have never met either?
Nope, Nope, I'd nope right out of that relationship.
It's going to be you ended up third-wheeling your own relationship.
Just no.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 November 2022):
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