A
female
age
36-40,
*shft
writes:i've been with my partner for nearly 3 years. things are pretty great at first but after some time, he's jealousy starts kicking in. he became paranoid, and cannot stand if i was even talking to a guy in uni. he can't stand if i have male partners in my group or anything to do with males. i know that he is very jealous and all. but i feel like im suffocating. i have to lie sometimes if i want to go to my friends birthday dinner or whatever, just to not hurt he's feelings. and i feel bad. i don't like to lie to him, but if i do tell him the truth, we would have this big argument and i dont see why is it wrong to go see my friends anyway. what should i do?
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female
reader, DanniBaby  +, writes (11 July 2009):
He sounds like hes letting his jealousy aspect take over your relationship and maybe he doesn't even realise how much he is hurting you.
Remember the key thing about any long term relationship is trust. If you feel you have to lie to him to keep him happy, this is when a relationship starts building up of lies and will eventually destroy any relationship.
If you love this guy, if i was you, i would just sit him down and explain to him how this is making you feel. Tell him that he's overreacting over you talking to males. You have to afterall if they are in your groups in Uni. Tell him that you don't choose to talk to other guys it is simply just a part of Uni life.
Say to him that he's got to learn to trust you because a relationship relies on trust to work and if he doesn't trust you then whats the point in having a relationship at all with him?
This will hopefully make him see sense. He's got to learn that woman can have male friends and he should trust you more if you love him you won't cheat on him and he should already realise this.
From his point of view, it's understandable that he doesn't want you to talk to other guys due to the fear of him loosing you. It doesn't necessary mean that he thinks you will cheat on him. It's a parranoid aspect which most people have! I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable with your boyfriend talking to other girls if it was the other way around if you had a choice but it's something that he will have to learn to live with if he loves you.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (11 July 2009):
 i think u need to talk to him, or break up becoz this type of jealousy and control and u lying to him is not on.
why does he get like this? has he had a bad experience before?
u need to explain to him u are faithful to him and he has to let u have freedom to have friends otherwise the relationship wont work.
good luck
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A
male
reader, venisonstew  +, writes (11 July 2009):
does he own you? you are allowed to talk to anyone you want. if he cant deal with it thats his problem. he gets mad because you go to see your friends? if he is gonna start a big argument because your going to see a friend for a birthday dinner? think about how he would act if you ditched all your friends. would he be more controlling? would he hurt you emotionally or physically? would he be munipulative?
personally i'd get out of there.
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