A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm having major issues with my parents right now. I turned 18 last month and they have always said (in passing, and seemingly without conviction, as you will find) "you can do what you want when you are 18 but til then..."Now, my two best friends and I have been discussing a trip to another state for a couple months now. I let them know of these plans almost right after we made them. My best friend has family in the state we are heading to and they are welcoming us to stay with them for the week. What's more, the transportation will be free (I have $1,000 worth of airline vouchers under my name due to a mess-up last year at the airport). My parents didn't think I would actually stick to these plans so while they were definitely uncomfortable, they did not put up too much resistance. Over the course of a month they began to vaguely Around the same time, another friend of mine wanted to know if I could stay with her for a few days where she lives, which is about 100 miles away. I introduced this idea to my parents and they shot it down. My best friend then suggested I stay with her and her dad instead. Her dad would even drive down to talk to my parents. My mom agreed to talk to him.Then, I slept over at her house. She and I went to Wal-Mart at 10 pm to buy fabric for a craft project. My mom called to check up on me and immediately asked me in an accusing tone where I was. I guess it was defensive on my part but my voice flattened and I was evasive with her. I told her we were at Wal-Mart. Why? "Hanging out." I just didn't want to explain that we were buying materials for a project, and I doubt she would have believed me. She asked me three times who I was with, and I told her me and my friend. She erupted at the "Hanging out" bit and I then explained to craft project. When I came home the following day they told me my plans to stay in that city were now cancelled. My mom was horrified that I was "hanging out" at a place like Wal-Mart at 10 pm, even though I made a point to explain that I was being evasive, and that I was sorry for reacting that way. Because of this incident alone, it seems, they stamped out this plan.My friend's dad came to town, and she refused to meet up with him. So my friend and I had lunch with him instead.So, tonight (it's been 4 days since all of this) I brought up the bigger trip because it really needs to get sorted out. She got extremely angry and started yelling, saying that she thought I had ended this trip. I had never said anything like that. I told her I hadn't brought it up because of the city incident (and it hadn't been brought up for about a week and a half, which is hardly a long time, if you ask me). She retaliated by saying I am being brainwashed by my friend. My dad joined in, and they were both calling me names.In a calmer moment I asked her why she was so against this. She said she doesn't trust my friend. Apparently my friend's mother doesn't "control" her well enough. Oh, and she doesn't like the way she dresses.I just really don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to be as calm about this as I possibly can to show them I'm being mature, but nothing I do works. On one hand, they're making me feel guilty for "going against" them, on the other, I am an adult now and this trip is something I really want. Will they continue to treat me this way if I don't put my foot down and do what I want? Is it immature to do that?I am going to the airport tomorrow to buy the tickets with the vouchers. Will this ruin our relationship or will it force them to see that I need to begin making my own decisions soon?Sorry for the length :-/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Hey original poster here, thanks for all who answered. I will be going on the trip and I think you guys have brought up an excellent point about the independent income thing. Hopefully I can get a job soon!
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (14 June 2010):
 stop asking for their permission. theyre acting very immature and irresponsible. dont ask them to be reasonable. just tell them they need to trust u and u wont spend ur whole life trying to convince them.dont mention anythin about the trip again,just go when the times right.ur 18 and they treat u like ur 10.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Ah...growing pains. You poor thing - especially since the way you paint it, it all sounds very very innocent. 18 is just a number, y'know. If you're staying with your parents, you should reason it out with them rather than being unilateral. Parents usually do have a valid point of view.
Just my opinion.
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