A
male
age
41-50,
*ust wondering
writes:My wife and i have been married fifteen years. Twelve years ago there was a guy at my house and when i ask her to explain it she says she does not remember. I was not to be home and he knocked at the door and i answered i was late for an appointment so i left her to deal with it never suspecting anything. She said he kissed her in high school but she has no interest. I catch her in small lies all the time but this one is making me very insecure and angry to the point i want to explode. I have been irrational on many accounts when i ask questions so i know the insecurity but i have persisted for months hoping to get her to open up instead of annoy her. I know i am annoying her cause she always avoids and issue or a fight. This is not anything divorce over even if she did cheat but i can not make her open and i am not patient to give her the time she needs.
View related questions:
divorce, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, just wondering +, writes (17 April 2009):
just wondering is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou i agree i do not think or care if she did i would love her to be honest and trust the answer she gives me
A
male
reader, just wondering +, writes (17 April 2009):
just wondering is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou and both answers are right. I have brought it up to her and i did let it spin out of control. I even contacted the guy that was there.
The guy said they did not do anythign and they that he was only there two weeks and that i was crazy to think that but he does not recall what they did.
It had to be planned because she asked if they could go out to dinner together with a girl friend and then there he is at the house.
Whenever i ask she says i cheated on her and gets mad and now all she says is she does not recall.
She lies all the time and i never can get her to be honest i do not care what happened but i would love her to be honest.
I was not to be there at the house when he came over.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Why are you obsessing over something that happened 12 years ago? If you had said 12 days, I would've understood your concerns. Personally I don't think anything happened that day and you should probably let it go. Trust me if your wife was having an affair with that guy she would have already left you by now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): am i right this happened 12 years ago? I mean there is cause for suspicion 12 years ago. After 12 years my memory would suck about an incident... ok i am assuming that this was a friend who dropped by unexpectedly because i don't think i would have my lover stop by when my husband is still there. ever... I think my friend that if something did happen its done and over with .. but for peace of mind you have to come out and ask her.. quit the games and bugging for information that to be honest, she may not give a crap about. this may seem monumental to you because you fear the worst but he may have just been a person and a moment that deserved no attention to even remember at all.. or care to.. i also think that whatever answer she gives you, you must live with.. i know this is hard but i have delt with an inncident where I felt that he was cheating (to me it was) and he changed stories more than he made left turns. I realized that i was part of the problem of not getting past the past. I wanted to know every little nasty detail and kept drilling and asking and questioning.. gawd it was exausting... in the end i found out he would tell me what ever to shut me up or to leave it be, but to mainly just stop. it was not that important to him.. thats why we are still here. my point is dear, this happened a long time ago give it a rest after this last horrah and let it be. work on your communication with her and tell her why you feel this way, why it makes you feel insecure and how you hate feeling this way. you love her and want to be with her but you have to find a way with her to put it to rest. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, muneca  +, writes (17 April 2009):
Try to approach her with the idea gently... ask her if u can talk about something with her, say how much u love her and that u know it's a minor silly problem and it's not going to affect anything between u and her, but just that u would feel more at peace if she would talk to u about it.It's better to get to the bottom of something while it is still something little and insignificant than after u've left it to spin out of control in your mind a while n get blown out of proportion! I do that all the time, and i know i prob drive my husband crazy because i always want, NEED to talk about everything! but if i don't n give him the space he needs i start to freak out n think its more than it is, its a bit of a balancing act... give her enough time but not too much that u stress yourself out worrying about it!
...............................
|
