A
female
age
,
*ebster
writes:First, he's not a boyfriend so the question of whether this guy cares about me or not is moot. However, I am somewhat confused by him. Last night, he kept saying how he wants me to orgasm really hard (squirt) and kept saying that. So he did oral on me over and over, but here's the thing, JUST when I was about to climax, he would ram his tongue onto my clitoris and it HURTS. His fingers hurt, too. I am not sure why, I was pretty lubricated from all the stimulation. Anyway, I said to him, "OUCH" and "I'm very sensitive" and "EASY" and "not so hard" and even "that's it, that's perfect, just keep doing that" (between gasps). He just...won't...listen. But he wants me to orgasm? BTW, he is 43 so it's not like he's just young and in a hurry. In fact, he's a marathon man and the last encounter was TEN HOURS. I kid you not! It was the same scenario then, but having someone come after me nonstop is heady stuff which is why I said yes to him again. Anyway, Is it part of the Mexican culture to just dominate and control the woman into getting off? Or is he just inconsiderate...that's confusing, because he is considerate in other ways. I guess the simple answer is if he won't listen is to simply not have sex with him again, or tell him I simply can't orgasm with him doing that. Still, he wanted to know about other men, if they made me come, etc. I told him one had, and he was very gentle with me. That didn't seem to matter. Feedback please!!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 He's watched too much bloody porn. Have a strong word with him and tell him, that sex isn't about causing women pain. Tell him you don't like a man that won't listen, and you don't like to be hurt. Only a pig ignores a woman who says she's in pain.
Then explain to him, he watches too much porn. He dosen't understand that they use camera tricks to show all types of things. This squirting is the new kink. They show girls squirting (female ejaculation) all over the place. Now men that are stupid think that every woman does this and don't realise it's very, very, rare.
You've got a selfish lover on your hands. He doesn't understand when he's causing you pain. Personally I have a quick way of dealing with men like this. I got strong legs and I hate pain. Any man who causes me pain and refuses to listen or stop, will suffer pain himself when I kick him in his face.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, allow someone to hurt you in bed and if they won't stop when you ask, then this is sexual assault and you've every right to defend yourself with violence if necessary.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Maybe one or some of his past sexual partners liked it rough and couldn't get off anyother way. (Maybe all of his past partners). And thus, he doesnt know the art of being gentle. It's not that he hasn't heard you say your words, he just literally doesnt know or remember how to be soft. Next time try guiding him (in addition to your words)with your hands by grabbing his head and holding his hand as he fingers you, move his hand for him for a bit till he gets it. And when he does start doing it right, you let him know about it! Moan, do whatever you need to. Reward him with a BJ or great sex.
And PS- most women can't squirt. he may have to let that fantasy go based on your lack of physical ability. And remember that if you cant- he is NOT allowed to blame it on you, and your not allowed to blame it on him. Blame your downstairs.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Try talking to him about it when you're not in the heat of passion. If he tries a stunt like that again and guiding his head (like by grabbing a handful of hair a little and gently guiding him around) grab his head and pull him up and just tell him that hurts and to please be gentle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Let's hope he was just too caught in the act and if he isn't used to communicate for his own benefit and his partner's, there is always a start and a way forward - in everything. It also sounds as though he's wanting to apply everything he sees in porn, whereas not all women are able to squirt!?
I think you should be pretty clear in your speech - don't leave room for doubt. He doesn't seem to take hints. The way you tried to guide him about your preference was very clear, but maybe you need to talk to him outside the bedroom and point out a few aspects that would make sex more enjoyable for you both. Tell him that while some women prefer rough sex, for you gentle works much better. You don't clasify, you don't judge but merely express a like. You should be able to have a tactful but cards-on-the-table conversation.
Point out that for you it's very important to be able to communicate about what you like and feel that you are being listened to.
Ask him if he agrees to giving each other some suggestions during the act or any other time, as you would gladly take some tips from him if that means you will be able to make him feel even better and more fulfilled, after all you youselves know better than anyone what you best react to. This doesn't of course rule out creativity, and you appreciate his, but let this be developed in certain directions and based on these elements:......
Say you think the idea of teaching each other what each of you likes, is sexy, and what does he think about it?
Say you can't wait to have him point out a few tricks that work for him, and apply these for him. You hope he is looking forward to this and you will also name a few, because you can't wait to please each other like never before, etc.
That should be a healthy debate.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (8 September 2010):
 He's just stupid.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (8 September 2010):
He's just stupid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): He has to listen to you or you shouldnt have sex with him. It does take time to learn what works with someone new, but you have to be listening to each other.
If he would read it there is a guy on here who goes by the name Q1605 who had written a "how to perform oral on a woman" guide that is really good. i looked for it and cant find it, but if you ask him he might send you a copy. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Yikes, that's pretty immature stuff for someone in their mid-40's. He sounds like an insecure high school boy. Why in the world would you find that attractive?
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A
male
reader, bartmaverick +, writes (8 September 2010):
 May I recommend that he stimulates your g-spot for at least half an hour - gently! - with plenty of lube?
He neeeds to be patient; get him to notice that your urethral sponge, behind your g-spot, is filling with fluid and starting to bulge.
That will tell him that you are getting ready to squirt, and if he keeps going, gently, he will build you up to a really good squirt.
As you get nearer the edge, get him to lick or gently rub your clit and stand well back as your dam bursts!
Bart.
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