A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, So I wanted to go out with my boyfriend for a movie and some shopping. But I know my parents won't allow me to go out with a guy alone. So I said I was going out with friends which are girls.. And my mum pestered and questioned me about these girls as I've never mentioned them before. (She's forgetful like hell, I told her I've hung out with them in school before.) anyways, she started yelling at me and saying how these girls are trying to steer you wrong and all. I was thinking like wtf she doesn't know them and she's judging them. (Literally insane I swear). I got really pissed off and raised my voice over hers to tell her that I'm not a little girl (like a baby) I'm 16 turning 17, almost able to drive and going to college soon and yet, you treat me like a baby. My mum literally walks me to the cinema where all my friends walk there on their own! She wouldn't even leave me on my own to meet or wait for my friends to arrive! (I was really embarrassed once as all my friends came and met me and my mum waited with me. I'm not saying I'm embarrassed of my mum but like I felt embarrassed because they're the same age and their parents are okay with them on their own.) So anyways, she continuously scolded me and said that she's trying to "protect" me. Well tbh, how long can she do that? I mean in less than two years I'll be in uni ( my college course in a year and a half.) and she treats me as though I am a helpless infant.. Literally.. And like if I told the truth, I'll get scolding and if I don't, I'll still get scolded. There's no winning for me. Well I feel so upset that I disappointed my boyfriend.. Our exams are over and all and so we wanna just spend some time together as he's leaving to the UK and before that he's going for holiday.. Anyways, any suggestions on how I can deal with this? And any advise on what I can do?P.S I'm Chinese and I grew up in an Asian family with extremely old fashion thinking... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2015): Both my parents are equally the same... At the moment my dad's outta town so it was just my mum who was scolding me etc. however they're both the same. Anyways, I don't really know what to do. They think I'm a "little girl" who knows nothing and does not know how to handle herself. I think you're understanding where I'm coming from. Any advise to cope with this?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 June 2015):
 It sounds like you fell into a HUGE generation gap - your parents follow old traditions, values and ideals (such as.. girls can't take care of themselves, think for themselves etc.) YOU on the other hand have been exposed to a more MODERN approach and society which you FEEL more at home in, than your family's old fashioned ways. They see "your way" as crazy because it doesn't follow THEIR rules.
However, YOU live with your parents still and as that goes.. THEIR house, THEIR rules.
YOU can't change your parents.
Now you only mention your mom being strict, have you asked your Dad's permission to go out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2015): How on earth am I suppose to gain their trust? Everything I've done is according to them, I studied like crazy for my IGCSE and skipped one of closest friend's bday party because of a hitch camp that I was forced to go to. Honestly, I've done everything their way, they never try to see my point of view. Somehow, my views are ALWAYS wrong to them. They think just cuz I'm young, I know nothing. Well thing is, I study in an international school, I'm exposed to far more things than they ever had. And they still think that I don't know anything. As if I'm stupid or smtg. My mum told my bro that I was "crazy" how the hell do you think I feel about that? I have no freedom. I haven't gone out in months and when I asked my mum went "again? Why?" And I was like "what do you mean again? I've not gone out for so long." And then she got all crazy. Everything she said made no sense at all. Literally. You may think I sound spoiled or smtg, but it's been going on for so long. I'm at a breaking point. Please help. (I posted this question)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2015): I agree with others that you need to help your parents see that you are old and responsible enough to go to places on your own. You need to make them see that they can trust you not by saying you are not a baby, not by yelling at them but by your actions.You know you are going to a university and you'll have all the freedom you want. So now you should make them trust you so they don't worry when you leave for a university. Be patient like others said.This might help you see that you are not alone. I am a 26 year old female and until now the longest I have been away from my parents house was 14 days (traveling for school project). I come from a traditional family and my parents are strict. I am supposed to be home when it's late, and I don't come home when it's too dark not because of this only, but I know how worried my mom gets and I don't want her to be worried. I live in their house so I should follow the rules. You know how much I want complete freedom, not being limited by anyone, even my parents. I have learned to be patient and do things the way so they trust me. Now they trust me a lot and don't question me when I say I am going somewhere with my friends. I learned to tell them what I think about certain topics and a lot of the times my and their opinions are totally different, we argue a lot, healthy arguments, but this way they are learning that I am different and a human that knows what she wants from her life. I told them I am an atheist, it was a shock for my mom especially, but she learned to accept that fact. I still need a courage to make them realize if I ever marry someone he won't be from my culture. This will be the hardest thing for them to accept. But hey patience is awesome.And you know the part when I said I want complete freedom...I am moving to a different state far from where I live for grad school. New life and complete freedom of doing what I want. Finding my limits, maybe no limit exists :) And in my culture 99% of girls leave their parent's home when they marry someone else. You won't change your parent's traditional thinking but you can make them trust you. All the best!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2015):
Some cultural norms and ideas stick with us for a long time. If your family is very old fashioned, then there isn't MUCH you can do. EXCEPT, to show that you are WORTHY of their respect and trust.
Why not invite your BF over so he can MET your mom/family? Maybe if they met him they will be less inclined to think he is JUST after robbing you of your virginity or corrupt you in other ways.
I went to school with Jehovah's Witness, she was ALREADY treading thin ice (as they don't think WOMEN need much education) - she was CHAPERONED by her older brother to ALL the school dances, she took it with grace and accepted that her family and faith, HAVE all these rules and STILL get to go places.
You will be out of the house and off to Uni soon, SHOW your parents that you CAN be trusted and "behave".
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 June 2015):
 Te MOST important job any person ever has is being a parent. That is an extreemly complicated and awsome responsibility. And there is no manual to learn from on how to do the job. You are a very young girl that is despirate to spread her wings and discover life and good for you for that. However, and here it comes; your parents (old fashioned or not) have a desperately important responsibility ..to keep you safe while allowing some freedoms. You must respect their wishes and be responsible in order to earn trust and then they will slowly but certainly gberty to you . be patient. They love you.
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