A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heyaI'm having a problem. I'm a male, 17 and I want to control my urges to females. Its natural for me to feel a greater desire at this age but I want it to stop. I feel that when I control this desire I will be able to talk to girls more confidently. My mind is filled with sexual fantasies that I want compelled. Its simply hellish how I can rarely talk to a girl without fantasising about her and 'checking her out'. I feel ashamed of myself everytime my hormones make me see women as sex objects.has anybody got any tips on how to prevent these desires from taking over because I hate what i've become.thankyou for your help, any help will be greatly appreciated :) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your help everybody. I especially found the first two answers very helpfull in that the best way to stay in control of this problem would be to train my mind to see girls differently.
I will try and go to the gym more because I do enjoy it and it definately keeps my mind of girls... havn't been in ages!
Also I will restrain from watching porn as to block out any imagery of girls being sex objects. I loved that tip by the way :)
I have had a girlfriend but it only lasted 7 months about 3-4 years ago. Unfortunately this relationship ended badly and I havn't had one since. i'm happy though because i'm not lonely :)
thankyou again, your help is very much appreciated :) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I'm so sorry you are struggling this way. Young men your age are overwhelmed with hormones and testosterone ... this is something you will outgrow.
There are disciplines that help with controlling the mind....meditation comes to mind. The goal is to be able to tell your mind what to do and not do, exercise also helps balance hormones. Group sports keeps your mind busy, or you can take up a game like chess. I know this sounds silly, but it's all things that keep your mind disciplined.
You may consider not feeding your brain sexual images, such as pornography.. viewing this type material will actually train your brain to think about the female form more, not less.
If none of this works, you can always see the doctor and get tested to make sure your body is producing a normal amount of testosterone.
Ultimately time is your friend, you will grow out of this eventually, so be patient and kind to yourself in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, advicegem  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 I think firstly you need to find a way to change your attitude towards these feelings. Right now it sounds like you may be talking to a girl, start fantasising about her and get embarrassed, therefore making your approach less confident.Everyone has these fantasies, girls also have them about boys pretty frequently!! If you can switch your thinking around.. say, walk up to a girl... say hi. In your mind you're thinking she's hot, and you're fantasising about her naked or whatever (we'll call this step 10 for future reference)... don't be embarrassed, embrace it as healthy thoughts! Instead of trying to shut them down, think about how to make them happen - not immediately of course... think about everything you need to do to get to that point.. step 1: ask her on a date, step 2: get to know her etc... and once you break it down into what you need to do before you can get to that point, you will soon start thinking at step one when you first see a girl instead of step 10.And if you really want to shut them down all together.. or if it is really obvious (visually...) then you can always think of your parents doing whatever you are thinking... that should do the trick ;) But seriously? I think try my earlier advice. Whatever your fantasy is, make it step 10, and scale it back to step 1 and start from there.
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A
female
reader, Ask Sarah +, writes (24 June 2009):
 These urges are normal for a young man your age there is no real way of controlling them it is physically imposible it's human nature for you to feel this way. Have you ever had a gf? I know its a bit personal to ask. You should know what happens, ask your male friends to how they put it off while they are around girls and start from there
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