A
female
age
30-35,
*oloved89
writes:Why does my fiance keep wanting to know about my past. He wants to know was he the first to finger me, had I ever had sex before and such. I don't understand how my past has any effect on me and him. He refuses to accept that he is my first and he always insist that I bring up every little single thing in my past. My past is my past, and he always force me to tell him more. And he's quick to assume there is more and that I'm scared of what he'll think. Thats not it, but I have told him what he wants to kno, but he insists that I'm lying. What do I do? He is extremely jealous. Oh, is it normal for a guy to dig his nose into his girlfriend's past business? Should I be worried?
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female
reader, soloved89 +, writes (28 November 2009):
soloved89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to those that sent me helpful advice or shared helpful opinions. I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, soloved89 +, writes (20 November 2009):
soloved89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has told me that if I were to ever cheat on him (not that I would), he was going to get me and the dude (revenge). I perceive this as him telling me that I actually belong to him, and I also felt very threatened by this comment. Any advice? Has anybody else ever had a boyfriend or husband tell them anything like this? I can't even look at another dude without him thinking I would rather be with the other dude instead. I mean come on, it's okay to look as long as touching is not involved and as long as Im not staring another guy down. Right? At least I dont do like he does when I'm with him and he's around his guy friends/brother... one of them could see a girl walk by and one them might say "Man she thick... then out of all of them (dudes), he'll be the one to say "Hell yeah" she is thick.
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A
female
reader, soloved89 +, writes (20 November 2009):
soloved89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has told me that if I were to ever cheat on him (not that I would), he was going to get me and the dude (revenge). I perceive this as him telling me that I actually belong to him, and I also felt very threatened by this comment. Any advice? Has anybody else ever had a boyfriend or husband tell them anything like this?
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A
female
reader, BlueBag  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I don't think couples should ever divulge so deeply into eachother's past. As long as you know they don't have any diseases that will effect you then why would you want to know details of who, where, why and how they had sex with others? Its a recipe for disaster!
His obsession with your past is not healthy and sharing it is just making his insecurities worse. Is his past so innocent? If not then he has no grounds to have a go at you.
If he can't get over it then as the aunt below has stated, he needs therapy. He will end up ruining your relationship because he won't be able to trust you and in the worse case, he may become so angry he might start getting violent. He needs help.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Yes, you should be worried. This guy is irrational about this jealousy. You've told him everything and he still doesn't believe you. This isn't something you can fix; this is a problem inside his head. This isn't healthy, he has issues with insecurity and I think that without therapy, he will continue to challenge and accuse you of lying to him. He will make this your fault, even though the source of the problem lies within himself.
I'd be very very very concerned and cautious if I were you. This is how abusers start, and this continual placating you've been trying to do isn't going to stop him from getting more and more paranoid about your past.
Has he gotten physical or threatened you? If he has, and blames you, you need to get out if you can.
I wish you good mental health and safety. Take care.
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