A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey I'm in need of some advice. I'm in a relationship with someone of 22 and I'm 17, the age gap isn't the issue. I feel like a sexual object sometimes and its really concerning me. We haven't been officially together for much over a month and are in a sexual relationship. It doesn't always feel this way but lately I'm feeling it more as my Christmas presents were a bracelet and something that he can enjoy sexually whereas mine to him were sentimental and respectful. He also likes me to sit with my blouse undone next to him even when we're just casually watching a film in which I feel completely stupid as we are only watching a film, I don't agree to this now. I obviously don't mind parts of this, if it felt more respectful at times, I want our relationship to be more focused on respect and love rather than sex or what he can get out of it. Apart from this, he shows lots of genuine qualities and I do care about him. I want to be able to handle this. How should I go about feeling like this?thanks
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 The truth - and maybe you was not aware of that, like 90% women - is that you got/trapped this idiot with your vagina. That's the deal you're in, and in the meanwhile, he's maturing and one "morning" he will soon announce you he is engaged with a very nice colleague who happens to be two years older than himself, very womanly, very clever.
Get some self-esteem my dear, break up your relationship with this guy and begin looking for someone TO LOVE (and remember that real LOVE has nothing to do with sex, so if sex is a "here and now" act for your wannabe-lover, skip the sucker).
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (26 December 2013):
Don't fool yourself, its the age difference. 17-22 is typically worlds apart when it comes to maturing. One age is high school, the other is post college. Night and day.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 December 2013):
 I wish You Wish a merry Christmas and a happy new year,
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 December 2013):
 Honeypie hit it right on the head.
You have to stand up for yourself - he's claiming you as property. Sitting with blouse undone while watching a movie so he can fondle you at will to get off?? That would be like demanding that he put you on his bank account so you can shop at will when the mood strikes you. He's using you for your body and you are letting him.
If you want your relationship to be focused on respect, you need to stand up and be respected. Don't be so accessible. Running over to his house on dates for ready sex? Of course he doesn't have to do anything else - you're the sex ATM!
Keep the dates OUT of the house and out of the bedroom, and you'll see how he really thinks of you. Tell him how you feel, that you're not wanting to hang out half naked during movies in the first month of your relationship, and that you don't want sex to be the only activity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2013):
 I think he IS using you for his little sex bunny and I think IF you don't like it you NEED to woman up and set some boundaries.
JUST because you are younger doesn't mean you can't take charge of what you will allow and what you don't want to do.
Sitting with your shirt unbuttoned? Totally dominate thing. It's shows YOU who is in charge, who is boss (and hint hint, it's not you.) It's so that YOUR body can be available for viewing or touching as HE sees fit.
You need to figure out what you are OK with and what you re NOT OK with. Being treated as some sex toy or sexual object is not "bad" per se, but if that seems to be the main focus of the relationship then I DO think it is "bad".
If you do NOT want to sit with your shirt undone, then just tell him, no. Or ask him to sit with his dick hanging out. Fair is fair, right?
I don't think how he treats you is "normal" at all. He is MOLDING you. Whether he does it knowingly or because he's read too much Lolita porn I don't know.
Have a chat with him, TELL him what you want/need and see if he can get on the same page or not. Just because he is a little older doesn't mean he has a LOT of relationship experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Well you have only been together for a month so it's normal to be very/overly sexual in a new relationship. Mine was for at least 3-4 months, sex 4-6 times a day as well as touching n oral. Don't overthink it.
If it continues and you still don't like it. Have a proper talk about how he sees your relationship. Whether it to him, is causal or meaningful.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 December 2013):
 You are in some kind of a relationship but you are not sure if it's heading towards a direction you like. It's normal for a guy at the beginning stages to be obsessed about sex. Once his desire is satiated he may begin to see the woman in you. The way to trigger his instinct to emotionally protect you is being vulnerable. A guy may be clueluess about presents. I think that sexual present is very dumb, for Christmas. For Valentine's Day perhaps you have to suggest what you like, and ask him to get it.
I remember my sister in law once felt that way with my brother, but now they are married with two children, after 9 years of dating. There is a fear that a woman's image as a sexual kitten is stuck once a man forms an impression of her. That needs not be the case if you allow time to grow on each other. You have a lot of time to get to know each other. It always helps when you have a partner who doesn't have issues that make him compartmentalize women into sluts or virgins.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Yeah he's using you girlie. In his mind he sees a kid who he can take advantage of. Sex... That's all it means to him. The sooner you realise that, the better. You shouldn't want a meaningful relationship at this age. You young, focus on other stuff.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 December 2013):
 I obviously don't understand the concern if you act like a sexual object,i.e. having your blouse unbuttoned, then you will be treated as one. THe more you act the way you don't want to be treated... the more you'll be treated that way. To be treated with respect act respectfully. That edoesn't mean high topped boots and turtle necks but you know what I mean. Dress older than you are.
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