A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's been over a whole damn year now since I was last in a loving and physical relationship. I've gone through an array of emotions in the last twelve months, but now I'm sick and tired of not getting any female attention (Strictly speaking I do get female attention, but not on the same level as getting attention which then leads to something). I feel like I should just give up, but I know that that sounds silly. I think I just need to figure out how to accept that I'm alone right now, and I may have to wait EVEN LONGER before I get anything again.I want to know why girls aren't attracted to me. I'm a friendly person, but yet I don't seem to be the sort of person girls want to get with. I've had one serious girlfriend which lasted for 2 years, but now I've spent over half of that time by myself and I've hated it.Please give me some advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I think I understand what you are looking for, not just sex, but all the perks of being in a loving relationship. The joy of sharing your life with somebody who truly cares.
When you have a lot to give and want to share, the loneliness can be very frustrating and annoying. I suggest you stop looking for the ideal mate, but start focussing on keeping yourself occupied, divert your attention, I know it is difficult but almost like preparing yourself, save up, plan ahead, for when the right person do enter your life, you will be prepared.
Good luck and best wishes, specially on the lonely days....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, Baby Duck. You say that you hope that I never find somebody to love, because YOU are under the impression that all I want is Sex?? That's awful. I will end that rubbish you said about how girls want more than just physical, right now. Girls have one night stands, for God's sake. I've met girls on nights out and we've hit it off really well, made out, but then I've never heard from them again, despite my efforts. On a majority of those incidence, they were the ones that hit on me. My ex once told me (at a time when she hadn't slept with anybody after me for 6 months) that she was considering a one night stand because of it. It happens! Don't tell me girls never just want Sex, because that's what you implied, and it's false.
Getting more to the point, I don't JUST want sex. I'll admit that if it was just sex only, then I would accept that, but a relationship is something I would like again. I'm starting to forget how it feels to be loved by somebody and love somebody in return and I miss it greatly. I'm worried, because when I come to get into a new relationship, I want to be a better boyfriend than before, and maybe even make it last if I can.
I don't think you have been single in a very long time. I'm not sure you remember how it feels to go without feeling loved by somebody. All you have done is wrongly assume that I'm some sort of sex crazed moron (partly my own doing), and criticize my English. All I wanted was advice from you, and you've failed on your part.
Thanks to all the others for your advice, you have atleast given me some perspective. To answer the anon posters' question: Either a girlfriend or dating would be fine. I would be happy with either one, just so I'm experiencing feelings of romance. I feel like a part of me is missing if I have nobody to offer my love to. That's what happened when my ex left me. I felt like all the love I could pour out and onto her was suddenly blocked off, and now there's all this pressure building up in me to release it to somebody special. I just can't find her. I know I'm just going to have to relax a little, but I've been impatient for a while now, and it's difficult for me to come to terms with.
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A
female
reader, carrie212  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 I was just in a similar situation.. I was in a relationship for 2 years as well and for about 9 months didn't meet anyone. I was starting to lose hope and almost gave up. But instead of just throwing in the towel, I decided to stop worrying about guys and start worrying about myself. As soon as I stopped worrying about when I was going to ever find someone, I met someone. And I'm not the only one this seemed to work for either. It may just be psychological but it's definitely worth a try. Try to concentrate on other things and I'm sure the second you stop thinking about meeting someone you will. Be a little more positive. I know it's probably hard considering its been a year but just try your best.
kay good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Well what exactly are you looking for? I am not too clear on that...do you want a girlfriend or do you just want to date and perhaps have someone to snuggle with every now and then? Either way, there is nothing wrong with either, but if what you are looking for is a girlfriend, then that can take time...I have been single since my last relationship for two years. My heart was broken for almost an entire year...I have dated guys since, one who was my rebound, and one who DEFINITELY had my heart...but that didn't work out and here I am single again...its really not the end of the world...To find a GF you gotta be patient. And focus on yourself.
I kind of like being single. I can focus on my friends and myself. Its kind of cool.
On the other hand, if what you are looking for is to date, and get some action here and there, then put yourself out there. Go to bars, clubs, wherever. Talk to girls. Buy them a drink or two.
And above all try to just be happy alone. That in itself is the best way to get a girl. When people, girls, see that you are a happy person, not desperate, just got your sh*t going on for you, they will start flocking to you. They love that.
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (7 June 2008):
Well firstly, its good that you've been single after a relationship for quite a while. Jumping from one relationship into another is always a bad idea.
If you have managed to keep a girl for two years you must have been doing something right, so don't put yourself down.
Most women wont approch a man themselves so I'm afriad the first move will usually come down to you!
Be friendly, ask them out for a drink. You wont know unless you try. If you get knocked back, don't worry, it happens to the best of us.
Have you considered online dating or singles nights? They can be a great way of meeting people and the intention is quite obvious.
Best of luck
xxx
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