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female
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anonymous
writes: I am concerned about my son.He is 16 and has been recently telling me that he wants a girlfriend. Nothing odd about that... except he wants an elderly one (i.e. 60+).I said to him that he must be joking, but he insists that it's genuine. My son repeatedly insists elderly girlfriends are the best, despite me and his father telling him he should date girls his own age.Me and my husband are worried, and recently a friend of ours suggested that our son get help.What advice is best? How should we deal with this?"K" in Sheffield, South Yorkshire, England Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): It sounds like your son may have someone in mind. I say this because young people tend to be shaped by their environments and there aren't too many kids out there leching after old biddies. My first guess would be that he has fallen for someone older in his life (maybe a teacher, counselor?) and was as surprised about it at first as you are now. What worries me is that he told you about it in the first place-- most kids have crushes on their teachers, or some figures of authority in their lives, but arguing with their parents about it seems to suggest that perhaps the older person would indulge the young person's infatuation. What you need to find out first is whether or not there is an elderly woman he wants to "date," because if she is willing, she would be participating in not only immoral, but also illegal activity.
If there is no actual woman to go along with this fantasy, then your son may have what they call a "mature" fetish. That's pretty distasteful for you to think about, I know, but there is nothing ethically wrong with his desire. I would recommend, if you can get him to, to see someone simply to find out if there is not some other underlying issue (like he feels that he has not received enough affection from his mother) but aside from that, you should also tell him that he is free to do as he pleases as long as his activities are not illegal. Tell him anyone older than 16 who was dating him would be committing a crime, and does he really want to put that person in that position? Tell him he does not have to worry about you calling the cops, but that if others saw him with someone five decades older they may take it upon themselves to do so. Tell him he is free to date whomever he wants once he is 18 (and be happy he'll have two years to work out the phase if he is in one).
If it's not a phase, and your son is simply turned on by grandmas, well, old ladies need love too.
Good luck,
Blunt
bluntadvice.blogspot.com
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 March 2006):
 We had this same question in the not to distant past. I sugges to look at the "age differences" section of this site. Lots of answers there.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (29 March 2006):
 Why does he think that older ladies make better girlfriends than younger ones? Perhaps it is worth asking in more detail why.
Of course, I don't know why he is thinking this way but here are some suggestions that you may want to consider
(a) shock value - perhaps he is trying to shock you, especially when you say that he should stick to girls his own age
(b) perhaps there is some issues with girls his own age (teasing at school, perhaps he has been humiliated by a girl his own age when he asked her out/dated her)
(c) his friends and peer group may be influencing this line of thinking
(d) simply just a pure attraction to older ladies.
I think that talking to him is the best option for the moment, it could be perhaps just something he says and will never act on it.
Good Luck - let us know how it goes.
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