A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have this incredible bond and friendship with the guy I'm dating. He's exactly my type. He's so endearing and cute. I want to take care of him and give him anything he asks for. I've never felt such a strong feeling of giving. He's so beautiful inside and out. I've never met anyone Like him before. He's just awesome!we have fun together. There's just one thing, idk about the physical part of our relationship..he's gorgeous and sexy but in bed, I don't feel like he kisses me like he means it. He said he's not that big on making out. He just wants sex.I communicated my need for foreplay and he did it. I do orgasm when he gives oral but it takes longer than it has with past guys who really touched me with passion. I feel connected to him during sex but I'm not horny. It's not electric. It's just sweet and I'm emotionally connected which is why I want to have sex but in the past I've felt incredible feelings of electricity flowing through my veins and I'm not getting that with him. Is this concerning? I've communicated that our sexual energies might not be aligned but he's really turned on by me, I'm just not as turned on. What should I do??
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 June 2016):
I tend to agree with Chigirl - he could be too feminine for you. Or more concisely, he's a beta and you really sexually want an alpha.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI definitely need more romance and affection to make this work because I don't want to get curious about some other man that can please me sexually, which is why I called my ex over on the first place. I told him that I invited the ex over but nothing happened and he keeps bringing it up! I told him this to prove how much I care about him but he can't get over it. You're right!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 June 2016):
 I think your current guy just isn't as great in bed as your former lovers. Or, that your body just doesn't have that chemistry with him. But if you're attracted to him and achieve orgasms and have a great time with him, both sexually and otherwise, then just be happy about what you have. There's no reason to feel it isn't enough, unless you actually feel unsatisfied yourself!
Just do not, under any circumstance, let your current man know any of this. It's the type of thing that really hurts to hear about. It's like telling him his penis is small. Telling him that he's not as great in bed as your former lovers, will just hurt him. So keep it to yourself.
And, maybe this is the first time you've experienced this lack of "tingling", but I have experienced it on and off over the years. One partner giving me the tingles, and where I feel so sexually drawn to them I can't keep my hands to myself and am soaking wet by them just touching me. And then with the next guy, there is nothing. And sex is good, but not fireworks. And then the next guy again, amazing chemistry, attraction to crazy you want to rip his clothes off and have to bring a double set of underwear just because you get so turned on. And then next guy after that... vanilla sex and it's good, but you perhaps need to buy a bottle of lubricant and keep by the bedside, because he just doesn't do it for your body.
This is what happens. Some people you have that chemistry with, where your body goes wild. And others you don't have it with. It's just how it is. It's always a package deal though, you always have to consider the whole. Is he the right man for you, pros and cons. Great sexual chemistry was never enough to maintain a healthy relationship. But poor sex is something that drags a relationship down in the gutter too. So if you have a good sex life, but no fireworks, it's somewhere in the middle. Then you decide, if this is good enough or not, and consider the whole package deal: is he a good person, do you have things in common, do you enjoy his company etc etc etc.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!! Chigirl, he is as manly as they get. That's part of the issue, he doesn't understand that I need foreplay but he just wants to have sex. He doesn't care about kissing. I remember the first time we made out for 2 hrs, on and off and I felt nothing sensations in my body, but I wanted to kiss him because it's him. It's so strange, like even guys I've had incredible sexual chemistry with aren't the guys I want to be with. One night, when we weren't official I invited a guy from my past over who I had great sex with but the whole time I was thinking about my current guy because I'm so connected that the physical stuff doesn't matter as much. Also, I do orgasm from my current guy, he performs well. It's just that I'm not as horny around him, am I thinking too into it?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 June 2016):
 Get creative, try new things. Spice things up. Maybe watch porn together to get you in the mood? Don't be afraid to show him what you like and what you don't. I don't believe that you are not compatible, I think you just need to explore and try new things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2016): I had this problem with now my fiancé. It took him some times to get comfortable around me. The first time it was a disaster. He said I love you too much and that's the reason for it. He said I wanted to impress you but the stress was too high so he totally messed up. We were LDR so every few months we were meeting and just a little improvement. Last month we met and it was amazing , I couldn't believe it because I had totally lost my hope on sex. So give it some times it will improve, if it's a new realtionship you are still discovering each other bodies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2016): I had this problem with now my fiancé. It took him some times to get comfortable around me. The first time it was a disaster. He said I love you too much and that's the reason for it. He said I wanted to impress you but the stress was too high so he totally messed up. We were LDR so every few months we were meeting and just a little improvement. Last month we met and it was amazing , I couldn't believe it because I had totally lost my hope on sex. So give it some times it will improve, if it's a new realtionship you are still discovering each other bodies.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 June 2016):
Its probably not going to change. See how you feel after a while. If it doesnt pick up, and you arent pleased sexually, then end it.
Also, it could be he is just too feminine for you. Too sweet for your body to understand that he is a man.
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