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female
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anonymous
writes: I was wondering if any gentlemen (or women with your men) out there ever experience their sexual drives decreasing after a vasectomy or close to age 40? My husband has had this happening and he had his vasectomy at early 39 and is nearing 40. Since the vasectomy he has had increasing problems achieving erection and wanting to achieve erection. We were having sex whenever possible before but now it seems he would just rather roll over and fall asleep. I feel like this is bothering him and he doesn’t really feel comfortable discussing it, he just keeps saying “he is getting older and his sex drive is changing“. Should I be worried about him finding satisfaction elsewhere? He has assured me that it is not me and he still finds me attractive, but if I am still attractive why cant I turn him on anymore? He said he doesn’t have feelings of attraction for anyone else either, I had to ask, I needed to know how to handle this. He also isn’t as interested in porn as he used to be. The latter isn’t a problem but we would share this for some entertaining evenings. Any words of wisdom?
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 There seem to a few possibilities here. One he may be psychologially affected by the vasectomy and be afraid to have sex, but if he has had good sex since then it would seem unlikely. Another possibility is he could be suffering from early menopause and perhaps could do with his testosterone checking as that can affect sex drive. Could he be depressed for another reason?
Perhaps you should give him some space so he doesn't feel under pressure to perform or tell you, and when he is in more of a communicative mood, express your feelings and invite him to express his feelings to you. It is suprising how many men can have sex with their wives but not be open to them emotionally. It may take a bit of patience and it may not be anything to do with going off you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): Men have the best sex lives when they are in their 50's. His sex drive shouldn't change that incredibly. Go to a doctor - your concerns about his vasectomy effecting your sex lives are valid and there may be another underlying issue. Hope this helps!
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