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male
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anonymous
writes: Both my wife and I are young, attractive, fit, fun and have only been married for a year, but I'm not getting what I need. Before meeting my wife I had a ridiculously active sex-life, and at the beginning of our relationship we had sex round the clock! I soon discovered, though, that all she wanted was, for want of a better term, emotional arousal whereas I am very much the physical type. Don't get me wrong...I'm head-over-heels in love and would never cheat on my gorgeous wife, but I'm amazingly frustrated by the lack of spice in our sex lives; she won't try Anal sex, intriguing positions or self-stimulation. She won't pleasure me in any way but the conventional up-and-down of missionary or a similarly mundane mode of sexual expression to which she hardly responds. I have never brought her to orgasm and she claims she has never experienced one, she won't touch herself in any way and now even shies away from oral pleasure. Please help! I'm lost and don't know what to do or where to start, I've tried everything I can think of and am worried our dead sex-life will ruin our relationship.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2005): Pathetic or not, the reality is-it can ruin a marriage and it has been doing that, for a long time now. In a marriage and with the majority of young couples-sexual intimacy plays a major, pivotal role. Sexual intimacy is more than physical closeness. It is an emotional adventure, an exploration and a process of discovery. Sex is not just for meeting physical needs. It is an emotional experience as well because the way you feel about each other influences your desires and performance. Although, sexual needs and experiences are unique for every individual- most people love sex and the bonding and deep caring that goes with it. Perhaps you should think of adding more emotional aspects of sexual intimacy and making your wife feel sexy and more desirable with words..not just sex. She likely needs to hear more compliments and reassurances from you. If all else fails, your wife should get a doctor's opinion..the problem could be physical and/or psychological.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 August 2005):
"are young, attractive, fit, fun" thats the good bit!
In every relationship that goes to the marriage stage its like that, it appears the novelty of sex has worked off.
Its a pathetic myth that a dead-sex life can ruin a relationship, for example a relationship of being just friends with people can last decades (without you having sex with them), BUT indeed it can affect a relationship and thats only if you married her and/or like her for sex and her body and not whats inside.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2005): You both have to use your imaginations, creativity, and romance to keep those sparks flying between you two. The level of sexual appeal and the energy between you will not remain sustained without huge efforts. If you are getting complacent and not fulfilling her emotional needs, your sex life is going to die and so, too, eventually, will your relationship. Emotional initmacy is very crucial in a mature, loving relationship. It keeps the bond between you alive. It is a way of expressing, with your entire being, your love for your partner. It's what keeps a loving relationship strong and resilient for a lifetime. She needs to feel this from you..the emotional bond.
You need to have honest, open communication with her. Really listen to and respect what she has to say will get you through these times and will bolster the intimacy, trust, and, most importantly, love between you. Now it's time for you to understand a little more about us gals.. We like words. You really need to learn to be brave and talk to your wife, you need to learn to compliment her, make her feel desired..and romance her, continuously, Why? Because it will pay off big time! Why do some men have women swooning for them? Because they've learned how to talk to women! They know that women need a lot of reassurance. They also know that women need to be coaxed into opening up and sharing their thoughts. Let her know how excited it would make you feel to know better how to turn her on. And if you want to try something new, don't hit her over the head with it all at once… Start dropping small hints, always with plenty of reassurance that if she's brave and gives something new a try, you'll be there with open happy arms to catch her.
A final thought-other problems can arise that will affect your sex life. At different times, there might be physical, psychological, or stress-related elements that could be also affecting her libido. Has she been to a doctor to have a good check up, lately? Might be a good idea to suggest this to her. Best of luck Irish
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