A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Since the birth of our baby, over a year ago, my sex life with my husband has suffered. At first, the obvious demands of the baby and my body recovering was the clear reasons why. After a few months, we started finding time again, and it was good, then around 6 months ago, it started becoming more sparse. Now it's been over a month. It's not because we haven't had opportunities. My mother-in-law watched the baby a week ago so we could have a date. We decided to go for a movie, then a drink. We had a few minutes before the movie, and we did some "heavy petting", but we didn't have sex. After we had the drink, I thought we might find time then, but he was eager to get home to see the baby. I just don't get it. I started thinking, well, if he's not getting it with me, then maybe he's getting it elsewhere, so I looked at our joint phone records and found nothing out of the ordinary, nor with web browser history. Since the baby, I'm back to my original petite, fit body, no stretch marks; I recovered well. He's not having body issues either because the few times we have been together the last 6 months, everything works fine. The baby has only gotten easier and generally we have less stress than we did before. I really just don't understand why my husband doesn't want sex with me. I've brought it up before, and he agrees that we should have sex more, but then I don't see advancing towards me. I even have been dressing sexier for him lately, hoping to get lucky, and nothing. I don't understand why he doesn't want me. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realize that hormone levels change when a man becomes a father, but I'm not sure if that's the reason. He works all week, and we (the baby and I) don't see him much, but on the weekends. (I also work part-time and pay half the bills). I had a c-section, so the birth experience was a bit different. He's also been acting a little passive aggressive towards me when we hang out with friends, belittling my abilities or cutting me off in conversation. I don't know why he's been that way. Maybe he's just not attracted to me anymore. He's not much into conversation with me anymore either. We still enjoy the same activities, but we can't do them together anymore because we're juggling the baby. The few times we've had dates, he's shown no interest in sex, only making out at most. Maybe it's because I'm a mommy figure now. I don't know. The times I've brought these problems up he denies there's a problem or cracks it up to being busy.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 I would just straight out ask him if the reason is that you become this mother figure, the baby came out of you (the same place his penis is going in), and in his eyes he finds it hard to feel sexual with you. I would ask him if he feels sexual towards other women, whether it would be a sexless marriage from now on. Tell him that you know it is a common thing to lose sex drive but you are not going to tolerate this indefinitely. He's avoiding this issue and trying to forget that you have needs too. It's unfortunate for men because when they can't get hard there is nothing they can do. They can't even admit this problem because this is a weakness, a shame. Try to talk gentle as this is a sensitive subject for him. He might feel attacked and get defensive. So how about just asking for a hug, nothing too pressuring for now. Slowly and slowly try ask for cunnilingus. If he refuses ask why, is he so repulsed by you. Then ask him how he feels this is okay, that you feel starved of affection. I am sure you know about this pursuer/distancer dance. The more you pursue in the area of sex the more he distances. He is the one who has to step up. As the last resort I would slip some ground up herbal pills in his food, with ingredients like arginine which increases testosterone.
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