A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm looking for some opinions on how important you think political opinions are in a relationship?As I'm sure many of you know, Scotland are about to go through an independence referendum. This whole thing has completely divided the country and is getting quite bitter on both sides. The problem is, me and my boyfriend have opposing views too and I can feel that there is a bit of tension between us now. I have always been relatively interested in politics and feel that I have quite a good understanding. My boyfriend is the opposite. He has never voted or made any attempt to find out about politics. Therefore, it has never been much of an issue before.However, he is really passionate about this vote and he keeps making out that my opinion is wrong somehow. This is annoying me as I'd never dismiss anyone else's opinion, but if I'm honest, I'm also annoyed because his arguments all start with 'my brother said' or 'my pal said'. He still hasn't looked anything up for himself and weighed up the facts. So the fact he is so judgemental towards me is even harder to swallow.We are trying not to talk about it now to stop it coming between us (I actually don't agree with this plan - I think we should be able to discuss anything calmly - but I can see why he wants to do it) but things are getting so heated elsewhere at the moment, it's hard not talking about the one thing everyone is talking about.So, I suppose my question is, how important is political compatibility in a relationship? Is this just happening because it's such an emotive subject (as I say it's splitting the nation, families and everything) or is this a deeper compatibility issue?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 Couples can survive long marriages where the partners have different political I know a couple the wife is about to turn 80, he already has, he votes and supports the left, she the right side of political divide. They must have come together a few times during their married life because they have 4 adult children ......
So, as could be guessed by their ages, they are old school. I think the trick for them was to recognise both have their own opinion, and have not tried to sway the opinion of the other. And when politics get particularly vile, as they can, they just don't discuss it with each other.
I like a good political debate .... I like people to put forward well reasoned views, and my own view has altered once or twice as a result.
I was horrified to discover one of my children voted for a party that I saw as being totally opposite to all I believed in ....... he put forward his reasons, and while I could not agree with him, I could see where he was coming from.
its the people who are not prepared to accept my opinion is just as valid as theirs that annoy me. You say your boyfriend is passionate about his opinion, but that his reasoning is based on what his brother says, or his mate.
While political opposing views don't necessarily mean a rocky relationship, or that there should be a parting of the ways, I would be very aware if he is trying to bully you into a different opinion (however gentle that coercion might be), and I would take note how respectful he is of you when you have a differing opinion. If he seems incapable of accepting you as a living thinking independent human with a capacity to form opinions of your own, then I would be thinking long and hard about the future of the relationship.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 I'm delighted to learn a small bit of emerging history as I was unawre of this Scotish refendumit's not yet hit the news here in the states to my knowledge. Inour county (USA) we only have two types of plitical views; 1 Individua freedoms and small goverment OR 2; he dominating govenmental controls with high taxes and minimal ndividual freedoms. To me it's critical that my mate thinks as do or vica versa. to be compatable. Thankfully we ae of the same mindset. I can't imagine it any other way lest there be turmoil in the home as events evolve outside our control.Best of Luck to the Scotish peoples. Thanks for the heads up about a major problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): I don't think politics are entirely important; however, if you are passionate about politics, then maybe you would be happier with someone who shares that passion.
It also sounds like he is simply trying to be "in the right." He might be envious of your knowledge of political events. If his facts aren't straight and he really is refusing to listen to reason, it sounds like this is more about his male ego than the political topic. Or he may just be supporting his male friends over you. They might be interested in this issue, which is causing him to be more involved.
He may also just be the type who does not enjoy a debate. You sound like you do, so consider whether you would enjoy your life more if you were with someone else who enjoys a good argument.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 Personally, I don't care much for politics so I don't really engage in such discussions, it's all a time waster to me however, in a relationship especially if two people have opposing views it can fuel a good few arguments and disagreements here and there. So I would say to people who aren't like myself, politics will cause a lot of issues in a relationship and I guess in your case, the compatibility is important especially since it's affecting the relationship in some ways.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (11 August 2014):
 Whenever there is opposing views in a relationship on either sex, religion or politics, it becomes a big issue. The latter two topics are generally the ones which people feel very strongly about and often its religious beliefs or political stances that make relationships unbearable.
What you have to bear in mind is that although you consider yourself to be knowledgeable and well read on the subject of politics, and your partner views such matters on the opinions of his mates, that does not make his views or opinions any less valid than your own.
The fact he doesn't vote nor educate himself on the subject does not mean that he is "wrong" or less entitled to a view or opinion. You say you would never dismiss anyone else opinion but then appear to do just that because his arguments start with quotes from others.
Down here in England the issue of Scottish independence has had less of an impact. Certainly for those of us who live far from the borders. But whether it be that one side of a relationship is very conservative and the other very liberal, or one person believes in god and the other does not, it usually comes down to each feeling frustrated that the other is not sharing their views.
Often in situations like that we all think we are fair, open minded, non judgemental but deep down there is a feeling that our partner SHOULD think the way we do on subjects that matter to us. The result is an under current of frustration and divide.
It does sound like the two of you are incompatible and both feel too strongly to either accept or live with each others opposing views. When the results of the referendum are announced, one of you will be happy, the other deeply resentful and bitter. Then its likely to really be an issue.
Mark
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (11 August 2014):
'They" say the trhird rail in any relationship is either sex politics or religion and at any given time that's probably true. A great relationship is held together if two are on the same page with all three.
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